View User's Journal

Realizations.

Right-o. You caught me. No, put down that tape-recorder! NO! DOWN, BOY! DOWN!

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal



Entry 11: I blame the internet. ... Expectations. They ruin me, it seems. Lately, I've been observing how others feel about me. Would you know, I've been described as puppy-like, as weak, as a ***** (I had it coming, sadly.), and other things that my mind fails me of remembering. It's 10:05 pm, and I'm slightly tired. It's amazing, how badly one can crave the attention of someone they thought had forgotten them. Did I really think he forgot me? Sometimes I do. I will admit, I feel like I'm just not as much of a temptation as the others, but I guess I just haven't been speaking much lately anyway. I haven't posted a journal in over a week, and I blame the internet, plus school. No, actually I haven't been on the computer much either. Yes, I'll log on for a few minutes, but soon after, I'll have to get off to study or do homework or work on a miscellaneous project for some damned class I regret taking. I've been swamped in French work lately. It's been taking up most of my time, same with German. I just remembered that I have tons of German assignments that need to be done this weekend, which I have yet to get to. Damnit, I'm slacking again! I've been reading so much more yaoi this past week. It's becoming a bit of an addiction that I cannot break, no matter how bad I try. I've even had a period that I was craving yuri, but it was soon stilled and I craved my yaoi more and more. Is it just because I felt forgotten? No, it couldn't be. C'mon, it's just the internet. What the Hell am I saying? I got to talk to him. Alex. Over our cellphones. I got to hear him talk, and grin (yes, I heard him 'grin' over the phone.), and sing...God, it was amazing. I want to hear that again. I want to talk to him again. We're not even lovers or even really..boyfriends. He feels like a friend that I'm dying to meet that I just can't get enough of. Call me crazy, but he's like a brother I never had. We're so different, and yet so much alike. Matthew. I haven't talked to him in a while, and the past few entries I've found myself engulfed with him. Why..him? Of course, I ask myself this more than usual lately as I read my yaoi and get to thinking about where it's leading me. Do I slack because of him? Alex? No, maybe not Alex. His love in unconditional, and heart-warming. Matthew's, on the other hand, is a bit more..lustful. What would I call it other than that? Secretive? Damn, this will be the end of me. I've been curiously craving things out of the ordinary. Like cottage cheese, pringles, vanilla ice cream, yaoi, and...wow, I'm pathetic - love. Dishing out my feelings over a journal entry is by far the lousiest thing a guy can do, so help me God. I'll end it here. I love you, like always. recent works - - - Naked dog boy. Or cat..boy. Uh. - more to come, maybe. Good night.

Posted by: novelty boy Sun Sep 28, 2008 @ 04:15am

[img:14035c5358]http://i484.photobucket.com/albums/rr204/timidlamb/icons/th88529.gif[/img:14035c5358]

User Comments: [3]

Red_Gentleman
Community Member

Offline

Sun Sep 28, 2008 @ 12:06pm

I'm scared. I jump every time I see "he" or "him" and I wonder whether or not it's me you're talking about.

First impressions are often very, very wrong. Please remember that.

Assuming I know this someone who you assumed had forgotten you...well, I doubt he had. Has. "Not as much of a temptation as the others"? You don't know what you are.
Don't worry. He's busy as well, I'm sure.

I slack as well. O_O More than anyone I know. And it's worse, because the teachers don't notice. Which leads to more slacking.

The Internet does something to us all. At least you've been reading something. I wish I had time for something like that.

I'm glad for you. He sounds wonderful. Unconditional and heart-warming love...More than anyone could ask for.

I will tell you something about Matthew's love. Matthew doesn't know how to love any other way. A mere child, he would attempt to comfort you if you needed so, to listen, because that's all he knows of love. If not that, then the only other way he knows. He doesn't know how to say some things that he knows need to be said...More in my own entries, some other time. I shall write in response to yours.

Mm...Ice cream.

Don't worry, I do it all the time. D: Love you.

Nice work by the way. o////O

novelty boy
Community Member

Offline

Sun Sep 28, 2008 @ 04:37pm

Just try and get your work done, or you'll definitely get your computer taken away! *gives a harshly stern, yet concerned look*

There are only two hims I will speak of, but lately I haven't had much to say about the other him. Your 'him' was main center this time. Most of it was worked out for him, of course. No worries.

Matthew doesn't have to love me in any other way than he does now. I'm perfectly fine with the way that he does it. Maybe it was just..the feeling of jealousy over-took me. Of course, I should've expected that he would talk about others in his journal that he loves and does things with. I am to blame for becoming so jealous. If at all this jealousy gets to him, he may leave me. I can't help but get this way sometimes. God, I would miss him.

Of course, now I get why I am portrayed as 'weak'. Well not entirely, but I do feel that way at times.

Love me. You love me. ..I love you.

Red_Gentleman
Community Member

Offline

Mon Sep 29, 2008 @ 11:42am

He's not going anywhere.

User Comments: [3]

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information