Gaia's been boring me tremendously lately. Why is this? And it's even in the middle of the Halloween season, or almost middle at least. I don't get it. School's killing me on the inside. I don't draw as much, and when I do, I go through so many changes in my style that I feel like I'm not me anymore.
Maybe I'm not me anymore. The Daryn that everyone knew. I've become so bland in how I write and type and draw. Ungh, I hate it. I feel so...unintelligent when it comes to the things I used to love. I wish I could dance. I know that was extremely random, but I remember when Wubar used to talk about how she loved anyone who could break dance, and I used to picture myself trying to do the flips and spins and radiation of my body against my dance partner's, or just against the floor as I slither and clench the earth below me in a freestyle body mesh. So savory, and yet so unattainable.
Mafia. What the Hell interests me? People have died in the familias that harness the Mafias of Italy, Rome, Greece, Spain...hm. Maybe that's why. That might be why I love it. The thrill of the run and the secrecy. The hidden identities, camouflaged by the very alias that gave forth an air of importance and rank. I don't know if I'm Italian at all, but I feel like I should be.
Someone once told me that the French battle with cowardice. Do they really? I don't know enough about the French and their community and historical reference to place the pin on the board. I need to figure them out. I mean, Hell, French made me, as well as the Vikings and the Indians. Even the Nazis. It really ******** sucks that Germany is most known for it's Nazis. What if everyone knew France for it's snoots and disloyalty to the thrones they once served under instead of the rich, romantic pot of a community? Of course, they do think that way, but really that's only if they have such a bad taste towards France. And I don't.
I question myself a lot lately. Will I make it out of High School? What college am I eligible for after that? I want to go to a nearby art college, but the best one is in Memphis. And it's ******** amazing. But it's 6 hours away. Why do I care about distance? Don't I want to get the Hell out of Alabama anyway? I guess it's the whole "long distance does matter" concept with dealing with emergencies and friendship. First and foremost - I don't want to leave my friends and family, even if they can be a load of s**t sometimes. Secondly, I don't want to be too far away for the whole 'come-back-for-Christmas-and-any-other-holiday-in-between-and-around' situation. It would really get to me, dealing with homesick stress issues and just the fact that I'd constantly have to drive to Hell and a hand basket just to get back and forth in school and back home.
I gotta stop thinking about this. I will seriously grow depressed, and that won't be good for my art block. Damnit. This Buddha figurine tainted my karma, I just know it. *stares accusingly*
Oh, and for a mafia character I made in reference to my appearance and all that good grot, I call him Dominic Luciano. Or something like that. It's under serious contemplation, but I really want to make it a habit to post up at least one or two new pictures on my profile from now on for each week. It'll help me sever the artist's block, and fill in for a new style-repair. Good idea, no? Ah well, either way, I need a change.
Ti amo. Ciao.
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Realizations.
Right-o. You caught me. No, put down that tape-recorder! NO! DOWN, BOY! DOWN!
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