"Jim Halpert: Last night on "Trading Spouses," there's... did you see it?
Pam Beesley: No, I have a life.
Jim Halpert: Interesting, what's that like?
Pam Beesley: You should try it some time.
Jim Halpert: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?"
"I’m not ashamed to admit that this made me giggle like a schoolgirl who just found the p***s pictures in her biology textbook."
-Max Barry
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-Winston Churchill (about Clement Atlee)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-Thomas Brackett Reed
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-Forrest Tucker
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder
"Do you know how many of my pupils think 'great' is spelled with a number?"
- from Nationstates
"Rarely is the question asked- is our children learning?"
-George Bush
"If I owned Texas, and Hell, I would rent out Texas, and live in Hell."
-Gen. John Sheridan, 1855
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"I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins." -Shel Silverstein