In my brain.
Today is just an odd day. Stephanie told me she's leaving for France for five months. So that sparked a whole train of thoughts.. I believe that her and I shouldn't take a break and shouldn't think ahead that far, let's just live in the present and hope it works out. I've been seriously thinking about going to a college for a program that let's me take two years of college instead of the last two years of Highschool. I've even scheduled the test. But after thinking long and hard i've come to the conclustion that I should embrace these last two years of being a kid and use them for experience and to speculate on where I want to go in life. I don't want to go to a college and train in something I don't really want to do. I want a career not a job. I love History, Philosophy(somewhat), Art and Science(mostly Biology), i'm still unsure where I want to go... and I really want someone to just tell me where to go but it's not going to happen, so I really need to step my life drive up a notch and take action, but you know what? I think i'll take these last two years for myself to really think in depth and try to figure out where I want to go.
If Stephanie wants to go to France, let her. Don't be a ball and chain. She knows where she's going in life and has a dream and so far has acually done something with her life unlike you you shitbag.
I think i'm moving to fast in our relationship.
Maybe I should go into some sort of Plant Biology, i've always enjoyed looking at plants and all that. Hmmm... I don't know.
I hope these two years will tell me though, I hope so much that I pray to the knowledge god in every religion.
(insert 10 minute break)
Ohh great, my father came upstairs to restart the router and told me to go to sleep extra early tonight, I explained to him that I cancelled the test and he went on on how this is a mistake and i'll regret it and blah blah blah. He's probably right but I don't care. It's my choice. Oh yeah, the worst part is that he went downstairs and announced it to everyone in my family at my father's house.
I hate writing blogs and don't do it often. So just read this one 100 times over and pretend it's a new one every week. Oh yeah, by the way to all my myspace blog readers I'll probably only post blogs here now.
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Dante Gunn
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One cannot live fully without first embracing hate, death and crime.[/align:f2b77d1be0][/b:f2b77d1be0]
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AND, hey, you're not a ball and chain at all! I don't think you're moving too fast in our relationship. What makes you think so? Zach, I want to be with you. Forever. If not as my boyfriend, as my best friend. Because I love you sooo much. I wanted to tell you about France so that we could work around this, I want to come back and race to you and throw my arms around you and kiss you, because I'm sure I'll miss you so much.
Zachary, you're an amazing person. I know sometimes when you're not feeling so great about yourself, it's easy to feel, eh...worthless. I've felt like that before atleast. But even if you don't feel so great now, you really are amazing. Most people don't know what they want to do w/ their life until 30's, 40's (atleast that's what my English teacher said), a lot of kids go to college because they think it's expected of them, but then they drop out because they're not learning something they're passionate about. I think that's very commendable of you and sit back and think about it first before going to college.
But then, hey, you're amazing at everything, my love.