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There is a thing which makes me not just mad, but infuriated to the point where I can't even count, it just comes out gibberish.. like..

*mumble mumble* 10... blue... penguins... giraffe... pancake... WAFFLE!

and then I snap. That item is what women do. the famed, infamous, and downright CRUEL thing of

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This is a technique women use to 'tease' the 'apprenhender' in the game of hearts. Of course, by tease they mean grab em by the balls, but on a zip tie and leave no room for blood to flow until they become neutered housepets..

Yes, you evil evil women.. playing games. the type where you go 'I like you!' and don't /act on it/ even when the guy is nearly humping your leg or sawing off his leg for just a /glance/ your way.

A girl, by the age of 15 and the name of laura baker, did this little 'mind play' and ended up not only testing my patience, but testing my ability to be a total b*****d.

Men, you know what it's like to have a crush on a girl and have the girl flirt with you just enough to give you that false hope appeal of 'maybe.. one day..' Well, this was what she did. I met her at a youth group

(me + youth group = fun... and not very involving god like )

and we hung out a bit.. nice girl.. if she didn't do weed, tweak and E... Every once and awhile, she'd come up to me, hang on me, smile and laugh, just genuinely be flirty with me, which in turn caused me to like her. For the next .... oh.....

YEAR..

This girl dragged her cleats over me until I couldn't stand it. So, at the breaking point, I VOWED that I would ******** her life up.

Step 1: Get rid of love of life

Simple. The love of her life and of his life apparently was cheating on her with another girl whose boyfriend was a Marine.. bad Idea... so what do I do? tell both girls of the cheating and let them have at it.. they both end up dumping him by the way.. but now Laura is heartbroken.

Male Me says, 'Take that you stupid b***h!'

Real Me says, 'Take that you stupid b***h!'

(they are rarely in agreement)

Step 2: Make her love you

Not hard, it seemed.. all I had to do was let the rebound affect happen and voila! less than a few days go by then she's saying she loves me, because I was the only one that cared for her.. ( even though she had sex with a guy in the church elevator.. she denies it.. I could hear her screams from in the basement.. )

Step 3: DENY HER LOVE AND AFFECTION

Easy, I let myself be an a*****e. Now now ladies.. it's harder than it looks for the good guy to /act/ the a**.. it took me a lot of willpower to say things like, 'you know you look fat in that' and stuff. because I usually can't. even if they're fugly in something, I'll go 'you look great.'

Step 4: Public Humilation

I take her nappy a** to a public park and proceed to explain to her, in a very loud voice, what I did, why I did it and that she was a dirty whore that ran through kneepads faster than a korean crack whore. Then she proceeded to cry.

and cry...

and cry until I got her back to her house.


OH OH! BEST PART EVER!

she still likes me!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tick tock tick tock, BOOM.

b***h, go home. You're just another brief disaster.