memory

• Artist: xXHazmattazXx
• Description: this is a poem that i wrote when i started to become interested by poetry.
  i am currently working on a book and hope some publisher likes it.
  
  PLEASE RATE AND COMMENT!!!!! I NEED THE FEED BACK!
  THANKS! <3
• Date: 04/01/2011
• Tags: memory

i am but a memory lost in the wind
a forgotten soul with no purpose
i watch the days go by and cry for the life i never lived
i watch as the seasons go by wishing i could feel the cold of winter winds and the warn embrace of a summer day
but i can feel nothing
my heart yearns for the warmth of the sun
i cry and cry but my tears fade into the forlorn sky, forming patterns that no one can see
i close my eyes and drift to sleep knowing i will not wake, never have a life,never feel the cool caress of the wind
i realize as i die that i will never be real only a lost spirit who walks the earth without a purpose.

Comments

[XWEET14]

Well, a fine start indeed. But yes, you should work on grammar.
I'll give it a 3.. Just because you seem to have potential, but haven't showed it to me to your fullest.
Have a good one!

[VictoryFountain]

hmmm. The poem itself is fine, but Use capital I's. Puctuation and capitalization, really is all you need