• You start to explain
    My tears spill over
    My gasps are short
    The knife cuts again
    Blood slides down my arm
    I push harder
    I deserve this
    This is my punishment
    One more cut
    The knife clatters down
    Next come my nails
    The soft skin of my palms destroyed
    I rip my cracked lips
    Licking my lips to taste the salty blood
    I stumble
    Not to the credit of the pain
    For that sustains me
    But the sight of you I know is not real
    Memories flash through my brain
    Overloading my sense
    My hand searches for the dropped knife
    My hearing, sight, and touch
    All tuned to you
    Memories I thought I had lost
    I dig the knife deeper
    Warm crimson liquid cascades over my arm
    Holding me entranced
    Then I see your faces
    I see the sorrow I didn’t see before
    I smack my hands with the flat of the blade over and over again
    Stupid, stupid, stupid
    I wrench my gaze away
    I clean up my mess
    Hide the evidence
    My walls are up
    My mask in place
    My smile repainted
    My responses perfectly planned
    But depression is eating away at me
    But my heart keeps beating