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Pain and hate
With careing love
Always know that u are loved
Just as much as the stars above
Above the stars in the sky
I want to reach out to u
and ask u why
the pain and hate
and Putrid love
Keep the grace
into your heart
Because that is the place
it should always
Start..... heart
- Title: love and stars
- Artist: Sevella
- Description: A poem I have been working on myself its taken me a while but i think i got it please comment and let me know if it is any good
- Date: 12/13/2010
- Tags: love stars
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Comments (3 Comments)
- INFJ Demeanor - 12/24/2010
- In my opinion, lines should never start with an and. Try lengthening your sentences, finding a series of words that process more fluently, and try to use a more extended vocabulary. Just my two cents.
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- Sevella - 12/15/2010
- Thanks ill note that
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- Yutora - 12/15/2010
- You could work on it a bit more. I don't like how it switches from the first part into the second -- suddenly feels like a different poem (while at the same time being the same? Did that make sense?) Otherwise it's sweet and simple. 4/5.
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