Sadness. V.V

• Artist: Nisara_Hyoto
• Description:
  This is my poem no stealy. XD
• Date: 10/11/2010
• Tags: sadness

I lost myself through out many years
I wasnt sure if i could escape my fears
I became the person with a fake grin
I feel what i do is a sin
i shouldnt have lived through that day
the day that made everything be okay
but i did and im happy i did
because if i didnt i wouldnt be that kid
that lived through the worse and still did survive
the girl that found herself after she died

Comments

[Use Preparation H]

You should have used different words, and had a rhythm that lasted throughout the whole piece. "Through out" is one word, and if it was "throughout" people would say it smoothly, which would have given it a better "beat." "I feel what I do is a sin" could be worded differently. same with "The day that made everything be okay." Try to reword, and take some words out.

[hinata24fan]

so so so true