Shadow Creepers

• Artist: cynical_cadaver
• Description: This is a style of poetry called Rondel of Mystery. The rhyme scheme is abbab and then the next line is supposed to be indented and just one word that is the subject of the poem. It then continues on as abba and another indented line that matches the first indented line. I added "The" in front of shadows in the second indented line because I believe it makes more of an impact. Rondel of Mystery poems are supposed to be suspenseful and mysterious.
• Date: 10/07/2010
• Tags: shadow creepers cynical cadaver

Shadow Creepers


Shadows dancing in the flickering candle light
Dashing in and out of darkness as they creep
Watching victims whose lives they plan to reap.
Wicked smiles gleam like the moon at night
As knives slice flesh and blood begins to seep.
Shadows.


Murky black figures were seen at the sight
Of slain victims in deep eternal sleep.
Their souls and secrets are all that they keep.
They are now dead, for they did fight.
The Shadows
.

Comments

[NakedJack]

'Are all they keep', 'That' is not needed. 'Are all they may keep' Will allow you to keep the poem's rhythm. Plus it lends more to the power of the 'Shadows', and it's an internal rhyme. Dashing is quick and creeping is slow, they can't do both, some other strange wording as in there, as well. You might want to add some intra-verse punctuation, if you'd like your poem to be understood better.