• I can’t say it…

    I can say it to the mirror, pretending to be you, but to say it to your face, scares me more than anything real or imagined in this world.

    I feel I am unable to express what I really feel.

    I cannot say what I need to say.

    Even as you walk away from.
    Walk away from everything we have built over our many years.

    I still can’t say it.

    I can tell you that’s it’s not you, that it’s me, but those are just empty words.
    Overused by so many in our same situation.

    Could I blame it on my past?

    I can blame it on the fact that my father never loved me.
    I can blame it on the fact that my family was never there for me.
    I can even blame it on my mother, who was there when I needed her.

    But it’s all a lie.

    I don’t know how to explain to you how I feel, what is running through my head.
    Replaying our play over and over in my head.

    I see you and I see me.
    Standing in our spots like Romeo and Juliet.
    Reciting our lines, mechanical and without feeling.

    I want to tell you how I really feel.
    I want these words to be more than just something that someone placed on paper.
    I want these words to represent Cupid’s arrows and hope that they hit their target.

    But you just block them.
    Not understanding that I cannot say what you need to hear.

    I can run my hand along your back.
    I can kiss your neck with the gentlest of kisses.
    I can whisper your name in your ear.

    But all those actions are empty without my emotion trailing through my body.

    What can I do to show you?
    What can I say to prove it to you?
    What is there in this world that I can do to show you what I feel in my heart is real?

    I so badly want to run after you.
    My body won’t let me.
    A rebellion against my mind.

    I want to tell you so badly to give me another chance, but my body seems to be working against me.
    A desire so bad that my soul may leave my body to stop you.
    This is what I desperately need to feel alive.

    The door jingles and closes.
    The snow falls, melting against the window.
    Cars drive by and couples pass the window.

    Season of love and redemption.

    You pass the window where I sit.

    My head lowered, tears down my face.

    A waitress pouring coffee into my cup.

    You disappear into the night.

    I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
    I know what I feel is true.

    Why can’t I tell you that?
    What is wrong with me that I’d let the one I truly care for, leave never to return?

    Get up!!
    Go after them!!
    Don’t be a dummy!!

    Don’t let them be our downfall!!

    GO!!

    ~End~


    © December 12, 2009