• i lost somebody once. far more than once, really. i know how it feels to have someone pulled from your life like a week-old splinter. it hurts, and infection swarms to take over you and convince you it will take losing a part of yourself just to be free.
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    there are times when losing someone is more effortless than breathing or crying or blinking. by the time you inhale twice, they're climbing back out of your window, too careless to even look back up at you and acknowledge that it is very well their last goodbye to you.
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    i know how it feels to look back, too.
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    i know what it means to say your sorry and have the words roll right from your tongue like oil, because you know words like that are like clothing. they wear out and become transparent like cellophane.
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    i'm tired of morphing into someone else's pupil only to be forced away when my stay is no longer convenient. i have been many people, but never a tumbleweed, and i don't intend to stay ricocheting between part-time lover and strongest shoulder; my middle name illegally changed to understanding.
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    i'd like to crawl between breastbones and warm capillaries with the tips of my fingers, i'd like to be someone's forever. but i regret to inform myself that nothing is everlasting, therefore i cannot be boundless and perpetual. is that why, may i ask, i find the soles of my feet bare across moist front lawns, running away from every boy who claims love?
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    but alas; love is a word my lips could never be forced to enunciate. that is my side of the story on leaving. and even though i have left more times than i have been left; i'd like to think numbers don't matter, only the repetition you read between the thin lines. it's the boy that leaves only to come back days later with his heart in one hand and a girls in the other. the boy that you find, once again, wrapping his arms around your trembling, frustrated torso. the boy that expects you to pick up the falling pieces of his sky. and the one you actually do it for.
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    i lost somebody once. and it took all i had not to wish they came back.