That special key

• Artist: Da kool 1
• Description: Its my first song so it isnt so good
• Date: 06/15/2009
• Tags: special

It happened so fast, it didn't seem real.I don't know how i feel.
When i lost you, i couldn't see, that special key.
When i lost you, i don't do what i was supposed to.
Now that i see, that special key, i feel so sorry.
One day i'm gona find you, and tell you how i feel.
All the bad times that we have ever had, werent that bad.
I lost my love, it flew straight by.And the bad thing is, i dont know why.
When i first saw you, a spark flew across the sky, and now i know why.
That special key is making me so sorry.
This is life, the key is the light, but it wont fight.
I'm playing with the tv , just to make time fly
. And occupy myself from... that special key...
the best thing about tonight is that we aren't fighting, dont change that.
I found you,i lost you, the key is me.

Comments

[kyonkyonlvrbaby]

line 13 needs a semicolon, not a comma.
'i found you, i lost you' needs a period, not a comma.

now for the positives.
i really like the emotions that you're trying to portray in this. the way that you express them through your words is really good. this was pretty smooth to read.
i like this poem a lot :3

[kyonkyonlvrbaby]

no comma on "i couldn't see that special key"
"i didn't know what i was supposed to do" keep it the past
use the enter button instead of commas to separate your thoughts.
the key part confused me until the end
take out all commas on the fourth, fifth, and sixth lines.
"but it won't fight" that is totally random and confusing.
random period on line twelve.
no ... 'between occupy myself' from and 'special key'. and how do you occupy yourself from yourself. what?