• 3/27/09 “Feeling Suicidal” By: Brandon K. McLemore
    As I go numb from my feet up…I start to think of everyone. Though, the people silent and maybe a little sad. This feeling in the pit of my stomach so painful everything that is bad. I cannot tell which ones will care from their hearts. Therefore, this is how it will end, with broken dreams and broken hearts. Family will morn for the one they loved, such a long time will they morn. Therefore, my pains grow more and more they did this to me, they made my heart torn. Enemies may come from their guilt sadness or to seem like less of a hater. However, some will not come at all not when I am six feet under, not now and not later. Lying in my bed, I close my eyes seeking comfort in sleep. This hallowed hall I walk called life is so steep. All I see is what is to be if I play with death seeking it out so desperately. Therefore, I see what is to be if I take a last breath and then fall to one knee. Texting the ones crushed on over the year or thought to really care or. Speaking to the devil not listening to god, telling him all that I fear but death was not there. No there not answering back looking and reading their honest thoughts but not all of them. All ask what is wrong yet none has a clue. Some say it will be okay still none of them knew. Few think I am serious and fewer think it happened. I thought of slicing wrists as I have the sensation of going numb. If this done them done during the moons movement. Seeing blood everywhere as I laugh quietly and speak words under my breath asking what I had done.
    As if talking to someone in the darkness waiting for an answer back but will it, get one. No one speaks as I drift deeper and deeper into my slumber. Now thinking of everything I did not do, everything I wanted to do but could not hold on. I was saying so much in my mind; that I tried so hard but lost this fight and ended this war in my mind. It does not even matter how hard I tried to do something like this something that I wanted to do…something like loving you…loving you and dying in the end. I put my trust in you but it was wasted and thrown away along with all these memories of what we used to do. I tried to do it for you and me but it became lost…the reason we started. Will anyone keep away from my infected aurora or will their wish be me in his or her arms still to have me? Early day acting so happy to everyone so as no one asks questions, no one suspects that my self-inflicted pain that causes my life’s ending to be drawing near. Saying not afraid of death and this proves it to drop the concern in my mind with self-reasoning and justifying what I am doing. Thinking it is not a cruel world but instead the cruel people in it are the ones that make others sad. My problems aren’t even so bad, it is just my way of dealing…yes my guardians ask always when I am lonely, depressed, or acting differently. They do not know, though, I always pretend it is all right but it is not all right. Sometimes I say something but ones in a while. Wondering if I will see what others feel when I am gone. I wonder if I will feel pain or nothing…only one way to find out…...