That friend of mine

• Artist: ralphe2k6
• Description: Mmm okie dokes heres another. ( there old to me but ill share )
• Date: 03/23/2009
• Tags: friend mine

That friend of mine , that lonesome friend,
he always pondered, always wondered,
always thought he had a chance,
but fayte is cruel and always came,
cant we all just remember his name,

its all he wanted, all he knew,
like the time he thought he flew,
but here comes fayte, its never late,
struck him hard, and very far,


he always saw himself, as a mime,
always thought, he had some time,
he crushed, he liked, never loved,
but here comes fayte, aint it cruel,
it beated down like a drum,
saw himself as a bum,

couuld not take it, it hurt so bad,
isnt this so very sad,
could you ounce share some tears,
for this friends, of yours and mine,
for he fears his heart intwine,
leet it loose its all in mind,

and now he journeys, off and time,
searching for, his lovely rhyme,
that friend of mine , always mine.

Comments

[Cocoskitten]

It would be better if you added a few apostrophes and basically read over the whole thing for errors. Also, in the second to last line, the comma is unnecessary unless you break the second part off to a new line.
Overall, other than that, I'd give it a 5