one wish

• Artist: invisibleandalone
• Description: a gril over the years waiting for her father to come back
• Date: 12/08/2008
• Tags: wish

One wish.

I wish upon a star.

Praying for the day he comes back

He’s been in the war for years fighting for the freedom of our country

He’s been gone since I was 6 I’m now 16

Ten long years of waiting

I go to the mail box take out a letter it’s from the army.

I collapse to the ground weeping my father is gone.

Ten long years she waited to face the cruel reality.

Comments

[Sarah Kaye]

aww!! sad!!! :'(

[LunaLoveWolf]

it made me cry *sniffle*

[Nikki4815]

Oh my gosh. That's so sad. I wrote a poem about a wish too, if you want to read it. It's called "My Broken Wish" and my other poem, "Unspoken Message" is in the spotlight. But yours is SO sad. 5/5.

[Trippy Taco]

At first I thought this was pointless, but then I read the last part..... crying

Is this a true story?

[Only Becca]

Typos - *longer, *as

Sorry. x-x

[Only Becca]

Try to break up the loner lines, and spell out the numbers six and sixteen. You need to decide if it's the girl's point of view or someone else's, because you can't use "I" and then "her" in the same POV. You don't describe yourself and "him", you say "I". Also, her father is what? Try something like this:


"I go to the mailbox
I take out a letter
I see the return address
It's from the army


I collapse
And dissolve into tears
Ten long years I've waited
To find my father gone"

[Pooki Babi]

omg if at waz my father i would kill mysel(mayb nt) bt datz wat i wld fell lyk doen