Hollywood Dream Teens.

• Artist: Lady Emergency
• Description: Looking for feedback, once again.
  More 'raw' styled poetry. Seems to be the only thing I can pump out. I want to work on more Experiment 13...:/
  I've been thinking about putting some of that on here...thoughts?
  VOTE AND DON'T COMMENT AND I'LL COME FIND YOU.
• Date: 12/08/2008
• Tags: united fall

Friendly smile,
Pretty face,
Eyes stitched shut,
Seeing,
What the sun only shows,
What the mind,
Deems is correct.

Fingerprints of red ink,
Handprints of truth,
Seeing,
The lies uncovered,
The imperfections,
Incorrect beings.

Mask yet to be cracked,
Craftsman’s work at best,
Marionettes on strings,
Seeing,
Trumpets playing,
Sick lullabies.

Don’t you see the addiction?
The staged make up,
The pretty little things,
The complexities of plastic?
Don’t you see it?
Fake is the new drug.

Comments

[Angel_Rowen]

... ... ... It's pretty good. It seems a bit repetative. It seems as if you're trying to tell a story, but it just doesn't seem to come out right. I'll give it a 4. Why not add an extra verse or two to each section, except the ending, so that then it ties the last verse to the rest of the poem? Just a thought from one poet to another...