Headed to Hell

• Artist: Donutday
• Description: It's written in a series of rhyming couplets and doesn't really mean anything. I just wrote it cause I felt like it! Please rate or comment!
• Date: 11/14/2008
• Tags: headed hell

I don’t know why
I just want to die

I ponder my death
My final breath

And after they put me in my casket
I’m headed to Hell in a handbasket

‘Cause God doesn’t take sinners
But I don’t care ‘cause I’ll be getting thinner

I’ll be well on my way to visual perfection
But what do I care beauties just another conception

Now I hardly know what I feel
And my Lifes just gotten a little too real

Dead's not my mission
Its my final condition

Comments

[sadeijo]

--> Appropriate title!

This piece is full of potential. A couple of lil tweaks would strengthen it so much

[sadeijo]

*Meh, just lost this comment too! Man this aint my night*
--> Despite what you said, the couplets all feel linked and with a little bit of work I feel you could create a very meaningful piece, maybe change a few of the words.
-> Perhaps consider making all the couplets the same length
--> The last couplet is beautiful, probably the strongest one in the whole piece.
-> Third couplet is weaker and somehow doesn't feel as true as t'others
-> "But what should..." line is a lil wordy

[k.a.t.y.3]

Wow, It's really real. I think that's why I like it because it seems like it's from the heart... If it's not, I'm sorry but, that's why I like it. It's not wonderful, it's real which I think has it's own type filled with wonder.

[Broken_Guardian-Auron-]

wow, nice, I like how you used alot of rhyming words lol I tend not to use alot of rhyming words in my poems lol

[Dreaming Virtual]

That is really good