stillborn

• Artist: breakyaface
• Description: this is my newist one, i dont think its to good, but i'll post it anyway, the firstone was way better! but my computer froze and i lost the first copy, tell me what you think, i got no spell check, cant spell and make sloppy mistakes i over look.
• Date: 10/02/2008
• Tags: stillborn death oakley poems

its still
its motionless
its dead
its relaxed
its calm
its stillborn

fealing, pointless
moving, pointless
breathing, pointless
air, pointless
its all pointless
when your a still born

the greving
the losses
the funarel
were lost
were reborn as
a stillborn

if you say its dead
if you say its gone
its not dead or gone
there stillt here
there still waching
there
just doing it in a diffrent way

thats the life of a still born
everyone greaving over the losses
were not lost
were just reborn
so dont cry over the changes
just remember
were all stillborn

Comments

[Dorian Wanhope]

I enjoy your concept but in the first few stanzas you list things and it gets the eye off tract. They don't have much meaning when they are stuck together. I love the title and how you talk about the stillborn but it never seems to go deeper than the surface. I like how you start with simple words then elaborate on those same words, but it can be done in a better way.

[tabitha coyote]

the first few stanzas were good, but then it just got a little to morbid and psychological near the end...