Illusions

• Artist: Drakansa
• Description: I wrote this about people who think they're just hoooot s**t.
• Date: 09/28/2008
• Tags: illusions

Kissing the mirror-
A perfect image of myself
Dainty; quaintly flawless

lipgloss distorts both glass and ego

Smiling reflections
A world with in the pane
Showing lies covered in familiarity
I head out into the world.

See my kissed reflection?
My flawless visage?
But you point out what the mirror hides

Lipgloss applied too liberaly
on cracked, discolored lips
Pretty lies too thin to withstand the light
Like spiderwebs in the wind

Kissing the mirror
I see grotesque reality
Lipgloss applied too liberally
and ode de redlight perfume

Comments

[discreetlyforgetting]

[continued x3]
them. That is a very mature theme, but instead, the whole metaphor of "lipgloss" indicates something a little less mature, a little more juvenile. Remember that peotry is one of the only outlets where words never need to be so literal to have others understand them. You need to find the right balance of literal and abstract.

[discreetlyforgetting]

[continued x2]
to these themes. Your literalism kills this. I can't say it enough. This also seems like more of a b***h-fest than a deep, philosophical exploration of egotism; mostly due to your lack of admittance that perhaps, the people among us that seem the most stuck up are sometimes "faking it til they make it". They don't even believe it themselves, they just want someone to accept them. So they accquire an attitude tahrt puts others off, further severing their ties to those around

[discreetlyforgetting]

[continued]
focusing on make-up as a way to hide one's appearance. razz Your choice of words is also to literal and in most cases, you choose words that are so common and cliched that you have compromised any of those really "meaningful words" from standing out to the reader. Mirror/ reflection. Flawless/ grotesque. "Visage [cliche]"/ reality. These are all very elementary, over-used comparisons. The only defense you have against writing something cliche here is using indirect references

[discreetlyforgetting]

I think part of the problem here is that you have used an object with a very permanent connotation [lipgloss] that cannot transform itself to fit this poem. That element is so integrated into your poem, though, that you can't change it and keep your metaphor. You can tell just from your comments on this that veiwers have focused on that solitary word to the extreme. Going with "lipgloss" has forced you to stick to your own metaphor too closely, until it seems like, in fact, you ARE merely

[Drakansa]

Strange - it's not really supposed to be about make up. I wrote it because it expressed how I would feel whenever I posted a peice of writing I was especially fond of in the writing forums and get stupid overly harsh non specific criticism back. like when people would just post "Cliche"
It made me feel really bad, like maybe I should just give up writing all together.

[Mamochia]

I like make up in-general I just hate the people that cake it on like it will forever be the way they should look! >.< I like the people that barely put some on or never do...I barely put it on, and when I do it's only when I wanna wear with a outfit...which is usually all black. XD

[Sean Brennans wife]

HAH! I think lipgloss is ugly too!