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This funny feeling, can't control;
My red-blotched cheeks, cannot console.
My smile, so wide,
I cannot hide
These feelings I have deep inside.
Your strong arms hold me oh so tightly,
As your lips brush oh so lightly;
You against me,
I know you see
Our kindred spirits, ever free.
- by Im Like Heroin |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 07/25/2008 |
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- Title: Butterflies
- Artist: Im Like Heroin
- Description: I wrote this for a very special someone :3 People seem to like it, so I'll post it.
- Date: 07/25/2008
- Tags:
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Comments (2 Comments)
- Derpy Dino - 03/10/2011
- BUT, and I ran out of room to say! You don't HAVE to do this, it sounds fine without it biggrin
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- Derpy Dino - 03/10/2011
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Much better than many I have heard, but a small critique if I may?
Because of the way you are transitioning and counting, the fifth line needs one more syllable. I read it with "that" before the word I and it fit in beautifully, especially since the 6th line has an extra beat. With how poetic patterns flow, adding one more syllable in the line I mentioned would even it all out and everything would work instead of the 6th line looking like a mistake. Other than that, it's beautiful. <3 - Report As Spam
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