• If I were a mountain you’d climb me
    And complain the whole way up

    If I were an anthill you’d ignore me
    You wouldn’t see me down at your feet

    If I were an instrument you’d play me
    And you’d wonder why the notes
    Sounded like a laugh

    If I were a sword you’d covet me
    Especially if I were shiny

    If I were greenback you’d spend me
    Trading me in for books

    If I were a chair you’d sit in me
    And you’d swing your feet
    For I would be tall

    And if I were a story you’d amaze me
    ‘Cause you’d laugh at all the wrong parts

    Luckily I’m your friend
    And can give you hell back twice over
    Thank the Gods for that
    Guilty little pleasure

    Try not to hit me too hard
    Whenever you read this poem