• He died 9 and a half years ago. But he’s still here. He was with me; I saw him, in my dream...

    Dad and I were walking down the stairs of our new house, and all the guests started arriving. There was Grandma Hannah and Grandpa Donny, Aunt Deborah and Uncle Jack, and then... there was Grandma Anne and Grandpa Tom.

    I didn't know if everyone could see him, or if it was only Grandma Tom and me, but he seemed to be very much there. Part of the carpet on one of the stairs was ripping, so I sat down to try to fix it and he sat down next to me.

    This is a big house he said.
    I know I whispered I miss you, Grandpa.

    And as I was saying those words, he disappeared, and I woke up, crying. Right then, my alarm went off.

    I was crying. I was crying tears of love, tears of pain, tears for my family... I sat and cried, and I knew that if he had been there all the times we had moved, each time he would have said that. The same thing.

    This is a big house.

    And I knew, that it would have been our special thing, and everytime we’d move, he would have said that. Like our little joke, instead of making the pain of moving worse, we would just make comments about how nice the new house was, or the new town, or the new school...
    But for 9 and a half years, he hadn’t been around. He hasn’t been around, and he can’t say those simple 5 words to me.

    I got in the shower and continued to cry, it was a place I could think, a place where no one could hear my tears, my pain...
    When I got out of the shower, I went to my room, sat down and cried. And I wanted to keep crying, so that I could cry all my pain out. Like when you have to bleed someone so that all the bad stuff in their blood gets out. But since that wasn’t working, I’m sitting here now, typing at my computer and thinking about how I’m going to live through the rest of today.

    -Jan 15, 7:05 am



    My Grandpa died of a heart attack in 2000. I am in high school, and I was young when he passed, but I still miss him.
    I wrote this while I was crying, sitting on the floor of my room on my laptop.
    After that, I went on youtube and listened to "Happy" by Leona Lewis and "Just A Dream" by Carrie Underwood.
    I wiped away my tears and washed my face, and no one knew what had happened to me all day. Maybe I'm too good at hiding it, maybe no one cared enough to notice...