• I feel so strange in your perfect world. Nothing ever changes. Yet you want me to change. To change everything, every little thing about me but I cant… im not going to leave myself lying in a gutter and be everything you want me to be. I don’t work like that, some people might but I cant. You once said I was perfect and I believed you. I trusted everything that came out of your mouth. I trusted you. I jumped through all your hoops. I even left my friends so I could keep you happy. I always did what you wanted me to. I never once thought about myself. I am your puppet. The things you made me do I never wanted. I always wish that this was just a dream, a cruel dream that I could never wake up from. I hope it was but I know it wasn’t. No dream could ever be this bad. You are the only reason why my life is so s**t. You… I hate you, but for some reason I can’t leave you, I always come crawling back. What’s wrong with me? I can see what’s happening its clear to me but why am I still with you?
    At night all I can think about is maybe one day I might have the strength and courage to end my pain, leave you and the world… all it would take is one pull of the trigger, one quick bang followed by silence. If only I wasn’t so afraid. It will end my pain forever cause nothing in my life will get better. Am I going insane? Nothing can be solved with suicide. What would suicide prove? That im idiotic enough to kill myself and also that I have no hope… I don’t. all hope left after I gave you my heart… all hope died. Im not even sure if you still love me or if you ever did.
    I loved you, well I thought I did but I was only in love with the image, the person I created in my head… but that wasn’t real, he was made up and would never be you. I never want him to be you…
    Maybe I should point the gun away from my head and point it at you…
    What would that accomplish?
    It would take the pain of you away but life in prison, your not worth wasting my life on.
    Argh! Why cant you just go away… cant you see what you’ve done. Then again I guess this is all my fault. I should have listened to my friends, my brother. They had it right. I thought they where just jealous of us
    How wrong I was.
    My brother… he was the best brother I could have hoped for. He always looked out for me, if only I listened maybe he would still be here…
    It’s all your fault! Its your fault you got involved with that gang not his. He was just trying to help you, but you set him up. He is gone now.. I wish he was still here. But I cant bring back the dead
    And maybe if I listened to my friends I might still have some….