• When I started High School, I was young and naïve. I really didn't understand how High School worked, I didn't know how cliques worked, I knew nothing about the intricate social dynamics that I would have to be aware of in order to survive. I was a bright faced optimist with a smile that stretched all the way across my face, it wasn't until about one week into my new High School life that I was made aware of what a cruel and unforgiving place High School can be. During 6th period, right after lunch, my stomach started to do gymnastics, to have witnessed the way it flipped and turned inside of me would have been awe inspiring to most casual observer, but to me the only thing I could feel was panic. About half way through 6th period the flood gates open and the rancid dark liquid came rushing out of my a*****e, fast, furious, burning, and intense. It was not contained by undergarments and began to ooze out into the chair and drip into the floor, sad thing was that I was sitting in the front row, and it made the loudest trumpet noise as it came out, it sort of reminded me of my really obnoxious loud drunk friend who always seems to make an ungodly amount of noise to call attention to himself. Instantly all of my classmates started either screaming or laughing... god it was so embarrassing. I started to cry, I was completely frozen I mean if I were to stand up it would all come gushing down my legs, I couldn't find my exit. Then it happened the smell hit the rest of the class like a ton of bricks and my teacher who had come over to me to help instantly vomited right on top of me which then caused me to throw up, which then set of a chain reaction of vomit. One of the students was completely unable to cope with the situation and just ran out of the classroom, he never did come back to school. Eventually I got some help and went home mortified that everything bad that could possibly have happened, did happen. Everyone at school was going to make fun of me, but then I realized something. This horrible event stayed fresh in everyone's mind and I couldn't seem to live it down. Everyone at my school made fun of me non-stop. So I asked my school councilor Mr. Ferguson what to do and he gave me the best advice he said "They can only make fun of you if you show that you are embarrassed, that you are ashamed, you make fun of yourself and they'll have no ammunition to use against you."

    Which really touched my heart, the next day I had a presentation to do in my speech class. And I put a bunch of jokes about the incident in my presentation to once and for all stand up for myself... it didn't work. I was actually booed in my speech class. But even so I felt that it had helped me cope with the problem on a personal level. I started to think what is the one thing that I could do to win back my fellow students. And then it hit me, what is the one thing teenagers think about other than unstoppable geysers of feces? SEX, OF COURSE, I thought it was so simple all I had to do was make my fellow students like me by engaging in sex acts with them. And I did, I sucked, ********, put things in people, had people put things into me. By my senior year my orifices were just plain worn out and saggy. Word got around though that I'd do anything and people's opinions started to improve I was able to help my students mend relationships. I practically repaired this one guy's relationship with his dad as he was pounding my a** raw dog.

    Anyways I'd become a champion and I hope some of you found this inspirational and helpful. If at first you don't succeed, suck a giant amount of cocks.