Inside Out, Outside In

• Artist: Mecca Against Reality
• Description: I wrote this poem today, being bored and all, and I don't like it that much. I think I could of done better, and the rhyming is a bit off. It is a little violent, and I just hope someone can see the point of the poem (because it does have one), and I know I could have done without the last snippet (but I added it because I liked it).
  
  I'd like to know what you think.
  Please comment, and be honest.
  
• Date: 09/28/2008
• Tags: inside outside

I wear my heart on my sleeve
Emotions are my coat
Desire still fills my eyes
Words - Stuck in my throat

My brain remains on the plate
Pea-sized and all
Poked, prodded and plunged
Awaiting the fall

Guts splattered on the floor
Stomach forever churning
Hate overflows my lungs
Still breathing, still burning

Inside out
Are my demons that thrive
Thoughts, passions, feelings
Now barely alive

The pain I bared
Hidden away
Outside in
Is where it all lay

Yesterday's now
Tomorrow's today
Inside out
Outside in

Comments

[BonesXBreak]

Wow. Way to go. Could've been a little less depressing but. yeah, 6/5

[fatmasterson]

My brain is now melted inside of my head
After reading this crap I wish I was dead. Do you like that rhyme? Cause it was ten times better than yours. wink 1/5

[hey girl hey XD]

wow wow wow...you are so good!

[XxChildesh_GamesxX]

ok..it was good..but kinda creepy...

[iBrightScales]

I hadn't read this one, but I really like it.
It's ah-mazing.
Then again, so is everything else you write.

<33

[Swiftgurl802]

Very good!
A little violent, like you said, but very good!

[x-Ginko-x]

now ive got images of gore in my head sad