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Sunday

The nightmares started again. they were always the same hands reaching for her, she tried to run but never got away. she never saw the face of the man doing this, but she could feel his cold touch and his harsh breathing as he starts to get excited. she screams but no one ever hears her. she can remember wondering why god let this happen to her? what had she done to deserve this?
that day was so bad that she locked everything inside that dark part of her mind. she would never let anyone know what happened to her. she would never let anyone inside her mind. she grew cold to the world and everyone around her.


It had been 3 years and rain had not spoken a word. everyone around her passed her off as crazy. on and off for the passed 3 years she had been in an out of hospitals. the doctors all said the same things she's not crazy it's something more. try talking to her. it takes time with things like this. rain heated the world and everyone in it. the nightmares had gotten worst. all she done was looked out her window with this look of sadness in her eyes. this room had become her jail. she could say it had become her hell, but she did not believe in heaven or hell anymore. after everything she went through she did not believe in much of anything anymore. she hated hypercritics just as much as she hated church, but every sunday she was made to go. she sat in the front row with her mom, dad, and two older brothers. all she could think was how much she hated the preacher. why did he keep looking at her? she stands up and screams WHAT THE ******** DO YOU WANT? Rain! Sit Down An Shut Up. we'll talk about this when we get home.. her mother bit off every word. rain screams NO! im not going shut up. why want you understand there's something wrong with me? Why don't you care? rain baby sit down we'll talk about this when we get home. NO! your beloved man of god raped me..... there it's out. RAIN COME ON WE ARE LEAVING.


Later that day rain was put in a hospital out of town. no one said goodbye to her she was just left there like a stray dog. that was the breaking point, she finally learned she was really all alone. the loneliness begin to set in. she had never felt so alone. as she closed her eyes she went to that place in her mind where no one could hurt her anymore. she was a living zombie. she did not feel or care. she just laid in bed and looked at the wall. she could hear the voices of people talking but she did not know who they were. one voice said call her family they need to know her condition. im afraid she is gone. the only thing we can do for her now is be here for her. she has no family anymore. they want nothing to do with her now. poor doll. what happened to her? she was raped by the preacher. will she ever come back to the real world? i just don't know, i just don't know. with help maybe someday. but its gonna be a long road. even if she does come back to us she may never be the same agian. there's just no telling, only time and alot of love will tell us

Pain

All of her like she had been told trust in god he'll never leave your side. for a long time she believed that, always trying to do the right thing. but that was before everything changed. never did i think that this could happen, but that one cold night changed my life forever. i remember it like it was yesterday. i must have only been 14. it was a cold night with only the light of the moon to lead the way. i was walking home from a friends when it happened. he grabbed me from the shadows, i tried to get away but i could not. i remember screaming and crying, but all he done was smiled down at me and said no one's going to hear you so scream all you want. "I like it when they scream." i can still see his smile. that night made me hate god. i laid in my own blood wishing i would die.

It was late that night when i got home. my mother was passed out in the chair with her man for that night beside her. she had never tried to hide her sex life from me, a new man every night of the week. sometimes i wondered if she really cared about me? that night i cried myself to sleep, wishing that i would not have to face the next day. i could feel the sun on my cheek the next day. i opened my eyes hoping that last night was a bad dream that's when everything came crashing down. i screamed from the pain i felt, a pain that at times was to much.

For the next 10 years i never said a word to anyone. i just sat in the chair looking at the wall. never feeling or caring until her. she was there because she would not stop cutting herself. she would always talk to me but i never said a word to her. i could hear screaming they were saying call the dr. we are losing her. for some reason i got up and walked to the door, all i saw was blood. then i saw her body laying on the floor. i screamed an ran to her, before she closed her eyes and took her last breath, she said I LOVE YOU.... i screamed from the anger i felt at her for leaving me all alone in this cold unfeeling world.

Forever in my dreams

I remember her like it was yesterday, the first time i saw her i felt like my heart was no longer mine. it was love at first sight in that very moment i knew my life would never be the same again. my dreams were full of her face.for the first time in my life i was happy. it's been so long but i can still remember the first time we talked. we done everything together, i felt like nothing could mess this up for me.

A few months later my world came crashing down. i can still feel the pain, sometimes i have to stop and just breath. it had been months and i could still see her face before i fell asleep an when i woke up everyday. i wondered what had happened to make her rip my heart out? had i done something wrong? she was like a drug that i could not get away from. soon the pain turned to anger, i turned my pain and anger to the world, but no one seemed to care. i screamed so loud i was sure god could hear me, but nothing happened. i started to wonder if there was a god. the pain and anger was to much to talk anymore. as i looked out my window i went to that place in my mind where i could be forever in my dreams with her.

Tomb

I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, the pain i was felling was so bad and it cut so deep inside of me. sometimes i wondered if it would ever go away? would i ever be the same again? as the blood runs down my body i screamed at god, i screamed so loud i was sure he could hear me. i was so pissed at the world and everyone in it, they had all given up on me. as the tears started to roll down my cheeks i screamed one last time before i fell asleep.

The next day was even worst and my life had become a nightmare, a nightmare i could not wake up from. The fighting around me was so bad at times i could not breath. as the days passed i started cutting more and more. the pain got worst and worst, but the pain never went away. soon the pain turned to anger and the anger to hate. i hated the world and everyone in it. as time passed my hate grew. i never cred anymore to cry was to show my weakness and i never wanted to show it to the world. my life had been full of pain and anger,never again would i let the world see how much they had hurt me, from that day on i never cared anymore. i was just a walking zombie never to feel or love again. so as i run my dear sweet friend crossed my wrist i know that soon death will take me away, where i will forever be damned to walk in the darkness alone in the tomb i made.