So, it's night slike these when depression hits ya.
your sitting at home n it's like 12 @ night n the house is quiet, n you realize that you are finding it harder n harder to find your place in the world. But it's not like i've had this crazy life, or had anything bad to me, n really in generally my life has been quite well. I suppose it's jsut lack of support. Like I have a ton of friends, and from lots of different areas in life, but it's hard to find poeple that i can just vent to. I mean it's hard to just do so because everyone has their own issues n i'm usually the guy who a lot of people turn to for their issues.
I suppose the hardest part of finding my placce in the world is that there is the whole circle of "lost in america"(alice cooper song), i mean it's not that i cant do something about it it's just that doing so gets difficult after a while cause i have nobody that really has my back on much. I mean I got people, n support, but I guess what i'd really like is like a brother type figure n not just a friend type of person. Someone that i can totally relate to n someone that has just as much of my back as I have of theirs. But it's like i have these goals n plans and i know i can make them work, but there's this loop of issues that i gotta fix before i can do it.
Idk, sometimes i'd settle just to have someone to hold, to say that i love (maybe i'm just desperate, or some sort of secret closet attention whore)
The hardest part is though is that I'm a multi- person type of guy, i'm really sparadic n unstable when it comes to a lot of things. Like i've dabbled in so many different interests that i'm a master of none. While this gives me lots of different coverage of expieriences it just makes me feel like i'm intruding in the end, like i'm some sort of poser in everything i do. Which sux because I really feel like i have no place in anything n like i'm just a complete looser (which i guess i pretty much am)
Yet, that's how my personality is built up. Actually it might just be the fact that i'm ADD(not clinically dignosed). Like even my though pattern is sporadic and constantly changing. One moment itll be this the next momment it's something compleatly unrelated. and my life and feelings on everything are very similar. But i'm not one for meds so i cant help that or change that. So what Am i supposed to do.
And i guess it just boils down to the same old response i'd give anyone else
get over it, do this do that, do whatever. Dont let it controll you, make you life what you want it to be.
Idk, i guess simple replys can have big impacts on people, but as for myself i'm pretty sure that they are all bullshit.
But instead of solving life, i'll just sit here fora while longer eating ferociously while i get fatter n make life worse.
and thats pretty much it.
Ryan_The_Random Community Member 
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