Daily Imperfection: 2/9/11
Summary: "Here: you decide that there will be no more lies. Here is where Kevyn Flynn stops and where her daughter begins. :: genderbent!AU" (Oneshot)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Grammar errors in the summary.
- Misspelling of a vital character's name.
- AU. (AUs can rarely be pulled off well, and I don't think this'll be in the minority that do it right.)
Judgment Before Reading:
"This'll be TRON: Legacy just with a girl for Sam Flynn instead of a guy. I don't think their grammar will summon feelings of peace, either: I am only sensing rage or my head getting closely acquainted with my school's desk."
Judgment After Reading:
... What the HELL did I just read? I mean, no offense, but ... OK, everyone's genderbent, so what? I mean, I'm glad I was semi-wrong in my "before reading" judgment, but instead of irritation, I'm just feeling confus--
Oh, the author's note says it was written for the kink meme. All right, that makes this a little better. I love the kink meme for the quality it churns out, and some of the premises can be interesting! Or strange. Either one. Sometimes both. But still, this story really does make no sense, and its source doesn't exempt it from future satire. Here we go!
Yeah, so Alice Bradley tried to reform you. Like any good family friend would, because "your mother didn't want you to turn out this way", or "you're wasted potential, Sa-man-tha". And I've made you out of broken boxes and little glass pieces and you're here to stay.
(But there's adrenaline in your veins. And there's a heart here, that needs to beat.)
"I'm Quorra." He's laughing a little with his head tipped back, dark hair, there's wind there and there's something dangerous too.
Wait, wait, wait, did I just jump in the TARDIS of the Grid? Did I jump into the future? Where's the ...? How did he - oh, sorry, she, I'm still getting used to this genderbent thing - suddenly get into the Grid from the real world with no zappy thingy?
(CLU will eat you up like a parasite, she says.)
I'm starting to miss those little things: "". You were using them earlier! What happened? Did they suffer a heart attack and keel over? This is the only time the author uses brackets for dialogue ... that only makes it even MORE confusing. It's not like that's something you 'forget' about during editing.
Rinzler takes off her helmet and looks like Alice Bradley. Deja vu: it begins now. Quorra is dying very slowly, very silently. Your memories and timelines are colliding now, because when you think about things you don't think of them properly, in ways that will make sense. Non-linear.
I'm even more confused now. How did we jump from talking to Kevin - AUGH, sorry, Kevyn - Flynn to ... Quorra dying and Rinzler taking off her helmet? DESCRIPTIONS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! We need them or we will be very very confused, man! Our zen thing will be messed up!
I feel like I got thrown into a universe where logic died inside.
And Quorra survived at the end, so it was like ... what was the point of saying Quorra was dying there? Suspense?
Suspense doesn't work too well if there's no build-up! You can't build suspense in less than 500 words!
All in All?:
What? No, really, my perplexed look is not a lie, even though you can't really see it behind a screen. I honestly have no idea what happened, I have no idea if I should hate it or love it. Some of the word play is VERY good, and it makes me wish that they used a few more ... well, SCENES. Developed scenes! This could have been interesting if done right, but like THIS? With less than 500 words, confusing jumps from scene to scene, and no characterization whatsoever?
I'm gonna glitch out with all this confusion!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely a]n eyesore confusing fic, we can prevent more eyesores confusing fics if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -
Summary: "Here: you decide that there will be no more lies. Here is where Kevyn Flynn stops and where her daughter begins. :: genderbent!AU" (Oneshot)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Grammar errors in the summary.
- Misspelling of a vital character's name.
- AU. (AUs can rarely be pulled off well, and I don't think this'll be in the minority that do it right.)
Judgment Before Reading:
"This'll be TRON: Legacy just with a girl for Sam Flynn instead of a guy. I don't think their grammar will summon feelings of peace, either: I am only sensing rage or my head getting closely acquainted with my school's desk."
Judgment After Reading:
... What the HELL did I just read? I mean, no offense, but ... OK, everyone's genderbent, so what? I mean, I'm glad I was semi-wrong in my "before reading" judgment, but instead of irritation, I'm just feeling confus--
Oh, the author's note says it was written for the kink meme. All right, that makes this a little better. I love the kink meme for the quality it churns out, and some of the premises can be interesting! Or strange. Either one. Sometimes both. But still, this story really does make no sense, and its source doesn't exempt it from future satire. Here we go!
Yeah, so Alice Bradley tried to reform you. Like any good family friend would, because "your mother didn't want you to turn out this way", or "you're wasted potential, Sa-man-tha". And I've made you out of broken boxes and little glass pieces and you're here to stay.
(But there's adrenaline in your veins. And there's a heart here, that needs to beat.)
"I'm Quorra." He's laughing a little with his head tipped back, dark hair, there's wind there and there's something dangerous too.
Wait, wait, wait, did I just jump in the TARDIS of the Grid? Did I jump into the future? Where's the ...? How did he - oh, sorry, she, I'm still getting used to this genderbent thing - suddenly get into the Grid from the real world with no zappy thingy?
(CLU will eat you up like a parasite, she says.)
I'm starting to miss those little things: "". You were using them earlier! What happened? Did they suffer a heart attack and keel over? This is the only time the author uses brackets for dialogue ... that only makes it even MORE confusing. It's not like that's something you 'forget' about during editing.
Rinzler takes off her helmet and looks like Alice Bradley. Deja vu: it begins now. Quorra is dying very slowly, very silently. Your memories and timelines are colliding now, because when you think about things you don't think of them properly, in ways that will make sense. Non-linear.
I'm even more confused now. How did we jump from talking to Kevin - AUGH, sorry, Kevyn - Flynn to ... Quorra dying and Rinzler taking off her helmet? DESCRIPTIONS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! We need them or we will be very very confused, man! Our zen thing will be messed up!
I feel like I got thrown into a universe where logic died inside.
And Quorra survived at the end, so it was like ... what was the point of saying Quorra was dying there? Suspense?
Suspense doesn't work too well if there's no build-up! You can't build suspense in less than 500 words!
All in All?:
What? No, really, my perplexed look is not a lie, even though you can't really see it behind a screen. I honestly have no idea what happened, I have no idea if I should hate it or love it. Some of the word play is VERY good, and it makes me wish that they used a few more ... well, SCENES. Developed scenes! This could have been interesting if done right, but like THIS? With less than 500 words, confusing jumps from scene to scene, and no characterization whatsoever?
I'm gonna glitch out with all this confusion!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely a]n eyesore confusing fic, we can prevent more eyesores confusing fics if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -