Daily Imperfection: 2/7/11
Summary: "A story about Rinzler finding love, and loosing it slowly... written because he needed love, M for later chapters" (3 chapters)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Grammar/spelling errors in the SUMMARY.
- "M for later chapters?" Considering the REST of the summary ...
- Seeing as how the title contains their OC's name, well, I can assume it's Rinzler/OC. Red flag!
Judgment Before Reading:
Even though it's not explicitly stated? Yeah, I sense a Sue-sue coming up. Not to mention that - AWWW WINZLER HAZ NO WUV. Because every character ever needs a love interest, right? I mean, look at C.L.U.! He had no love and he met a SAD END.
I'm also expecting grammar errors, OOC behavior, and yet another case of Did Not Do The Research.
Judgment After Reading:
Oh, derezz me if you don't know. What really made me head/desk was the first sentence:
'Rinzler cringed hearing Clu yell, once again, at the small female program that was kneeling 2 steps in front of him ...'
Uuuhhh, steps? In C.L.U.'s command ship? lol where? (Disregard that my reading comprehension sucks) Not to mention that although it's a minor thing, you write out all the numbers that are under 100.
We're off to a great start, ladies and gentlemen.
... C.L.U.'s dialogue is angry.
"Rinzler get over here, NOW!"
"Rinzler, if you can get her to talk, she's all yours!"
I mean, damn, I get C.L.U. wasn't loved enough, but there's a little something that's very important called charisma. And that is not obtained through being snarky and mean.
Reading on, I'm not too surprised to see that, HEY, Rinzler's already falling for her in a way! Her body is sexy, after all! Oh, totally. Because we all know Rinzler is a horndog with no duties whatsoever. What's being brainwashed? It's too inconvenient for tru wuv.
'He looked up and down her purple circuitry.'
Yaaaaaay, no research! Time for a quick lesson, kids!
Purple lines were only displayed in the original Tron - and that was a deleted scene. It shows that the program has love for the program around them.
So, either:
1. They really didn't do the research
2. She's worse of a Sue than I thought!
I don't know which is worse.
"I don't know, Katria. Your in my quarters because Clu gifted you to me. I don't know why your on this ship." Rinzler answered, sitting beside the young program on the bed.
Your = possessive. This is a pet peeve of mine. Her what? Why can no one get this right?
And that is easily the best way to end a chapter EVER. Onto the next one, folks!
... OH AND WE OPEN WITH RINZLER SPYING ON HER WHILE SHE BATHES
CLASSY. Dude, I don't know if you've seen the movie, but like I said up there, I think Rinzler is a biiiit too brainwashed to be caring about lady programs.
S'all good, though, since you're naive and young but OH SO SEXY. It's a stereotype for a reason, right? It's gotta work!
Oh horray, they're in love and making t3h ki$$es. Not contrived! Bah, no, once again, tru wuv - oh dear, big bad C.L.U. came in to stop that (thank you, Luminary Leader)!
... Waaaait a second. Whoa whoa whoa. Hold the phone. Rinzler's disobeying C.L.U.? Yeah, that's a surefire way to get what you want! Disobey your leader! Because you can find true love in a day and nothing will stop you! (Only costs 500 bits, while supplies last, will not work.)
Next chapter, and we get this:
'Clu said to Jarvis as he watched the fights. Jarvis headed to Rinzler's room, angered that this teenage girl was getting more damned attention then he ever got.'
Aww, Jarvis is jealous. My bias against Jarvis aside, yaaay, being hated for getting too much attention! That's another Sue-ifier right there.
...
I can't put the sex here, but it was wrapped up in three lines and those were three lines full of bad description, bad hentai lines and roaring laughter on my part from all of it. I think My Immortal had better sex scenes. No, wait, too much credit to My Immortal.
Whoa, Sam? Canon happenings that are somewh--oh wait, she's in the room, never mind.
And it's so nice how he's sticking up for someone he doesn't know at all, especially someone who works for the enemy! Isn't Sam such a swell guy?
All right, getting too long, but long story short, C.L.U. gets jealous and pissy, Rinzler gets to 'punish her' and they have freaky sex all cycle lo--
... wait, what? WHAT?
'I've been a bad program, treat me like a whore and ******** me till I bleed'
WHAT.
All in All?:
The other ones didn't make me laugh this hard, but ... oh my goooooddddd.
Rinzler? Grossly OOC. C.L.U.? Too angry and STUPID to be a leader. Where's his charisma.
This OC? Oh User. This is the worst Sue I've done so far, and considering all the fics I've read before starting this, that's saying QUIIIITE a bit.
Thankfully, it's one of those 'so bad it's hilarious' stories, if you can get past the cringing. At least it has THAT going for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely an eyesore, we can prevent more eyesores if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -
Summary: "A story about Rinzler finding love, and loosing it slowly... written because he needed love, M for later chapters" (3 chapters)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Grammar/spelling errors in the SUMMARY.
- "M for later chapters?" Considering the REST of the summary ...
- Seeing as how the title contains their OC's name, well, I can assume it's Rinzler/OC. Red flag!
Judgment Before Reading:
Even though it's not explicitly stated? Yeah, I sense a Sue-sue coming up. Not to mention that - AWWW WINZLER HAZ NO WUV. Because every character ever needs a love interest, right? I mean, look at C.L.U.! He had no love and he met a SAD END.
I'm also expecting grammar errors, OOC behavior, and yet another case of Did Not Do The Research.
Judgment After Reading:
Oh, derezz me if you don't know. What really made me head/desk was the first sentence:
'Rinzler cringed hearing Clu yell, once again, at the small female program that was kneeling 2 steps in front of him ...'
Uuuhhh, steps? In C.L.U.'s command ship? lol where? (Disregard that my reading comprehension sucks) Not to mention that although it's a minor thing, you write out all the numbers that are under 100.
We're off to a great start, ladies and gentlemen.
... C.L.U.'s dialogue is angry.
"Rinzler get over here, NOW!"
"Rinzler, if you can get her to talk, she's all yours!"
I mean, damn, I get C.L.U. wasn't loved enough, but there's a little something that's very important called charisma. And that is not obtained through being snarky and mean.
Reading on, I'm not too surprised to see that, HEY, Rinzler's already falling for her in a way! Her body is sexy, after all! Oh, totally. Because we all know Rinzler is a horndog with no duties whatsoever. What's being brainwashed? It's too inconvenient for tru wuv.
'He looked up and down her purple circuitry.'
Yaaaaaay, no research! Time for a quick lesson, kids!
Purple lines were only displayed in the original Tron - and that was a deleted scene. It shows that the program has love for the program around them.
So, either:
1. They really didn't do the research
2. She's worse of a Sue than I thought!
I don't know which is worse.
"I don't know, Katria. Your in my quarters because Clu gifted you to me. I don't know why your on this ship." Rinzler answered, sitting beside the young program on the bed.
Your = possessive. This is a pet peeve of mine. Her what? Why can no one get this right?
And that is easily the best way to end a chapter EVER. Onto the next one, folks!
... OH AND WE OPEN WITH RINZLER SPYING ON HER WHILE SHE BATHES
CLASSY. Dude, I don't know if you've seen the movie, but like I said up there, I think Rinzler is a biiiit too brainwashed to be caring about lady programs.
S'all good, though, since you're naive and young but OH SO SEXY. It's a stereotype for a reason, right? It's gotta work!
Oh horray, they're in love and making t3h ki$$es. Not contrived! Bah, no, once again, tru wuv - oh dear, big bad C.L.U. came in to stop that (thank you, Luminary Leader)!
... Waaaait a second. Whoa whoa whoa. Hold the phone. Rinzler's disobeying C.L.U.? Yeah, that's a surefire way to get what you want! Disobey your leader! Because you can find true love in a day and nothing will stop you! (Only costs 500 bits, while supplies last, will not work.)
Next chapter, and we get this:
'Clu said to Jarvis as he watched the fights. Jarvis headed to Rinzler's room, angered that this teenage girl was getting more damned attention then he ever got.'
Aww, Jarvis is jealous. My bias against Jarvis aside, yaaay, being hated for getting too much attention! That's another Sue-ifier right there.
...
I can't put the sex here, but it was wrapped up in three lines and those were three lines full of bad description, bad hentai lines and roaring laughter on my part from all of it. I think My Immortal had better sex scenes. No, wait, too much credit to My Immortal.
Whoa, Sam? Canon happenings that are somewh--oh wait, she's in the room, never mind.
And it's so nice how he's sticking up for someone he doesn't know at all, especially someone who works for the enemy! Isn't Sam such a swell guy?
All right, getting too long, but long story short, C.L.U. gets jealous and pissy, Rinzler gets to 'punish her' and they have freaky sex all cycle lo--
... wait, what? WHAT?
'I've been a bad program, treat me like a whore and ******** me till I bleed'
WHAT.
All in All?:
The other ones didn't make me laugh this hard, but ... oh my goooooddddd.
Rinzler? Grossly OOC. C.L.U.? Too angry and STUPID to be a leader. Where's his charisma.
This OC? Oh User. This is the worst Sue I've done so far, and considering all the fics I've read before starting this, that's saying QUIIIITE a bit.
Thankfully, it's one of those 'so bad it's hilarious' stories, if you can get past the cringing. At least it has THAT going for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely an eyesore, we can prevent more eyesores if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -
