Daily Imperfection: 2/6/11
Summary: "A program, Alice, is suddenly taken from her home in an isolated part of the Grid and she is thrown right into Clu's world. Clu/OC There will be strong sexual content later in the fic." (2 chapters)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Non-program name for a program (all too common these days)
- C.L.U./OC (plus strong sexual content)
Judgment Before Reading:
I'm sensing a badly done Sue that will not be able to hold her own against C.L.U.'s manry ways, one who will fall in love quickly, and butchered characterization! I'm also sensing a strong portion of "Did Not Do The Research." Horray!
Judgment After Reading:
I was right! Dammit.
Why is the first part of this story in italics? It doesn't apply as a flashback, since it happens in real time, and -- WHOA, another memory-loss story! Horray~! 8DD C.L.U. is ... OK. But why would he friggin' blow up his own Grid Arena? He can rectify/derezz programs other ways, can't he? Grammar-wise and length wise, it's better than the other abomination I reviewed yesterday.
The second chapter, unfortunately, has what I suspected. This OC, named Alice (User Names =/= Program Names, dammit), immediately starts falling for C.L.U. While he's relatively IC, he's going above and beyond what he would do just to get his minions to shut up. Also, don'tcha love how she's immediately accepted and loved and how she immediately pretty much forgets about her friends? 8D
It is full of dialogue and little to no description, which gets annoying, and some words are poorly chosen and redundant. Some of the "inner monologue" is silly. We know C.L.U. is behind the "attack," you don't need to state it so simply as 'he pretended he wasn't behind the attack.' GOD!
And the romance itself? Gag me with a disk.
All in All?:
I'd hit that ... with my Light Cycle.
Granted, it's not NEARLY as bad as the other one I reviewed, but it's still BAD. Characterization? Research? What's that?
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Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely an eyesore, we can prevent more eyesores if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -
Summary: "A program, Alice, is suddenly taken from her home in an isolated part of the Grid and she is thrown right into Clu's world. Clu/OC There will be strong sexual content later in the fic." (2 chapters)
Obvious Red Flags:
- Non-program name for a program (all too common these days)
- C.L.U./OC (plus strong sexual content)
Judgment Before Reading:
I'm sensing a badly done Sue that will not be able to hold her own against C.L.U.'s manry ways, one who will fall in love quickly, and butchered characterization! I'm also sensing a strong portion of "Did Not Do The Research." Horray!
Judgment After Reading:
I was right! Dammit.
Why is the first part of this story in italics? It doesn't apply as a flashback, since it happens in real time, and -- WHOA, another memory-loss story! Horray~! 8DD C.L.U. is ... OK. But why would he friggin' blow up his own Grid Arena? He can rectify/derezz programs other ways, can't he? Grammar-wise and length wise, it's better than the other abomination I reviewed yesterday.
The second chapter, unfortunately, has what I suspected. This OC, named Alice (User Names =/= Program Names, dammit), immediately starts falling for C.L.U. While he's relatively IC, he's going above and beyond what he would do just to get his minions to shut up. Also, don'tcha love how she's immediately accepted and loved and how she immediately pretty much forgets about her friends? 8D
It is full of dialogue and little to no description, which gets annoying, and some words are poorly chosen and redundant. Some of the "inner monologue" is silly. We know C.L.U. is behind the "attack," you don't need to state it so simply as 'he pretended he wasn't behind the attack.' GOD!
And the romance itself? Gag me with a disk.
All in All?:
I'd hit that ... with my Light Cycle.
Granted, it's not NEARLY as bad as the other one I reviewed, but it's still BAD. Characterization? Research? What's that?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Want the link to this to see it for yourself? Feel free to message me!
HOWEVER, do NOT flame the fic. Be constructive with your criticism. While this is definitely an eyesore, we can prevent more eyesores if we allow this author to improve.
NOTE: This is SATIRE and not meant to be taken seriously.
- End of Line -
