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When you claim to care for someone, do you really think about that feeling? When you claim to love another, is it love or are you simply confusing love with a separate emotion? A lack of companionship can cause a false sense of love with someone. A friendly remark or action can easily warrant someone caring for another, right? Or was there a different motive? Things are never quite as they appear.

To get to my point; I never quite know how much someone cares for me anymore. I'm sure this is a common problem with youth, so everyone can relate. In the past year, about 50% of everyone I knew completely fooled me in one way or another. Not that it was always a bad thing.

To update on my situation with Allanah... I'm pretty sure it's over. After a LOT of drama with the police and the government, I was told to simply stop talking to her. I wasn't really going to. I didn't care who told me what; I was very indignant towards the situation. But Allanah was already not really talking to me, and apparently she was being harassed about the situation as well. Parents doing things like deleting and blocking Instant Messengers (Not because of me, surprisingly) and all kinds of assorted crazy punishments. But I was still quite insistent on being with her. But I could barely ever talk to her, and when I did she wouldn't even talk to me about the very serious situation seriously. She'd laugh, change the subject, etc. I'll ask her what she thinks and I'll get an "I dunno" or "I'm concentrated on school right now". Which is all fine and good, but if it's over than it's over; don't toy with my emotions like that.

We had a pretty strong bond... I do indeed love her, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. But I suppose this bond is broken by no fault of ours. She'll just have to be the one that got away. Which totally sucks. At least I know why though. With my past relationships I couldn't tell you why they went to hell. So that's slightly comforting.

On a separate note; work has been going quite smoothly for me. The situation is still the same, but it was good before, now it's just consistently good. And I've become good friends with my main managers. They really like me, as I like them. It's to the point where we could hang out together outside of the workplace.

I've realized I've got a lot more friends than I previously thought. I might not see most of them ever but recently we've been getting together and there are a LOT of us. We stick close together, and although we may never see each other, we're as one entity; a bond that seems to never whither.

I shouldn't say never. I almost hated half of those people I'm talking about. The whole drama with Cameo had me pretty messed up, but the main reason wasn't even connected to Sami. No, I was distraught because ALL of this group of friends had always chosen Cameo over me. The reason we are never near each other is because in high school they only hung out with me if Cameo was there. I don't think they gave a damn about me until they all began to hate his guts as well. It was obvious too; Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be like him. Don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you. So now whenever we all hang out there is a certain disturbing aura about the bond. Everyone knows what I just said is true, but they all regret it and ignore it's existence. But it doesn't bother me much anymore. I'm over it, and I know if they could go back in time they'd do a LOT different.

I have said "a LOT" three times already.