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I know
(Warning: This chapter has spoilers concerning Miroku’s shouki wounds.)
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Hm, night again. Why does it always seem as if nothing goes on in the light now a’days? For once, however, I was content with the glow of the florescent moon. I sat gazing at it, leaning leisurely against the open shouji that separated the room from the outside deck. There was no ceiling out there, giving me a broad view of the spacious sky. Though I was at ease for the moment, my eyes took on a tint of worry.
Peering behind me I glanced over to the futon where houshi-sama rested, peaceful but unconscious – he had been since this afternoon. Once again he’d acted reckless as the two of us fought a large tora youkai. Fearing I was in danger he stood in the way as it charged for me, causing the feline to swat him painfully aside to where he hit his head rather soundly against an oak. Unfortunately I had to end the savage beast’s life, seeing as it had been manipulated by a specific life-to-life parasite bent on destruction.
My shoulders ached in remembrance of the journey to this settlement. We left our companions behind, Kagome had yet to return from her era and Shippo was far too clingy to InuYasha to come with us, though he’d never admit it. And what a time for Myouga-jiji to call upon Kirara for assistance, ne? For well over three miles I had to walk with the weight of houshi-sama and his shakujo as well as hiraikotsu. It seemed easy at first, but the constant climbing of short-lived mountains was affecting me drastically. It wasn’t until I came across a hillside village did an old houshi take pity on my burden and offered us a place to lodge for the night at his temple.
A tap on the shouji woke me from my thoughts. Though the door was open, and I was even there beside it, the elderly monk smiled merrily as he waited for my attention. “Oh, gomen nasai houshi-dono,” I bowed respectably, looking up at his rickety giggle as he waved his hand, “Nonsense my child, one has every right to let his or her mind wander. That is one of the many beauties of Buddhism.”
He gestured for me to take the tray he carried and I did so, glancing at it briefly to see a decent meal of rice and fish for two. I looked back at his wrinkled grin as he nodded, “That is if your husband should wake up, I can always make more should the food get cold.” I blushed at his comment and raised my hands, almost defensively, “Ano, he’s not my …”
The houshi caught on, his smile never faltering however, “I see my child, forgive this old man. There was just something in the way you looked and cared for him that made me think you were his wife. Tell me though, what is your relationship with this young monk?”
I was silent for a long while, my head reviewing words houshi-sama has said concerning our relationship, “That is rather difficult for me to answer … in the most general sense we’re companions who fight alongside each other.” I shifted slightly, my hand coming up to rub at its mate’s elbow. “But if we should accomplish our goal, he has sworn to take my hand in marriage.” I was looking down, almost downheartedly as the monk spoke, “And do you doubt this?”
I shook my head to grasp some thoughts, too mixed up in emotions as I replied barely above a whisper, “He’s a cursed man, houshi-dono. I don’t know if we’ll even have a future together. And even so, he does so many things that cloud my judgment. I’ve never met a more confusing man than he.”
I glanced up through my eyelashes to see the old houshi with his grin, though his tone had grown calm and knowing, “Please be optimistic my child, negativity will only lead to defeat. Sometimes it is better to ask or do rather than assume.” I was left pondering the relevance of that to my situation as the houshi bowed slightly before turning. “Sometimes the most complicated of people are the ones you keep closest to your heart,” on that note he shuffled away, leaving me even more questionable than before.
Hesitant, I moved myself noiselessly closer to houshi-sama, setting the tray down beside his head. Sitting in my usual bedside position, I moved my hand to brush away the bangs that hid his closed eyes, smiling warmly at his almost childlike expression. Just knowing that he was there, alive, in my field of vision and touch was enough to make me feel completely at home.
Perhaps the old man was right, yes houshi-sama is extremely confusing, but he also stirs up emotions in me I never knew before. I love the feelings that start whenever he smiles, or embraces me, and as of lately when he kisses me. I blushed at the thought, remembering how soft his lips had been. We had only kissed once before, well, three times if you count a caught-in-the-moment peck and a nervous “thank you” kiss to the corner of the mouth. But still, it was enough for me to come to enjoy the fluttering sensations that tickled teasingly at my insides.
When my hand absently came to rest against the side of his cheek he showed a sign of consciousness, his eyelids squinting as he made a low groan. Ever so slowly his gorgeous violet tinted eyes opened to meet my relieved ones. Groggily he smiled up at me, still appearing a little dazed, “Am I in nirvana? For I seem to be gazing upon a celestial maiden.”
I sighed, shaking my head lightly, “I suppose there’s no rest for the flirtatious houshi-sama, hm?” He nodded back, grinning coyly as he closed his eyes again. Worry got the better of me as I brought up my hand to rest it on his forehead, “Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything? Ano, how many finger am I holding up? Does your head feel like it’s cramping or aching? How -”
“Sango,” he calmly took the hand at his temples and placed his other hand against my shoulder, applying the slightest pressure to get me to lean closer to his level. Once there he slipped his arms around my middle, willing me into a lying position as he hugged me to him. “I’m fine,” he assured, his chin resting on my head as he yawned. “I’m just a little tired is all.”
My blush had managed to creep across my cheeks again. “A-are you sure you’re alright?” I asked quietly, my ear to his chest clearly hearing the steady rhythm of his heart beat.
His chuckle vibrated against me, “Would I lie to you?”
My hazel eyes drifted dully to his right hand, spiraling marks faintly visible from beneath the violet glove, “…would you?” Did he think I was blind? He embraces me on a regular basis, yet he thinks I’m too naïve to know those are shouki wounds. Why hasn’t he told me?
I felt him stiffen, only slightly, as he spoke once more, “Of course Sango. I will always be truthful to you.”
I continued to stare at his curse before he cautiously slipped it around to my back again, out of my vision, he didn’t know I was watching. “So you’d tell me … if you were doing something I wouldn’t approve of …?”
There was a gap of silence. “… yes Sango.”
I winced as my heart seemed to skip a beat, knowing well that he was full-out lying to me as we spoke. He promised me, he promised that he wouldn’t use the kazaana against any forms of poison. The marks on his hand were living proof that he was disobeying his oath. Something was annoying me so painfully however. He hasn’t shown any signs of pain from the wounds, not even a twitch! I only started noticing this around the time I recovered hiraikotsu from the old sake youkai’s pot. What could have happened while I was in there?
“Sango, you’re trembling. Are you cold?” He asked, concerned at how I was so quite. His hand came up to tilt my chin upwards so we could be face to face. He looked worried – I was hurt, it was most likely reflected in my eyes. Something happened in the way he smiled down at me, it was as if watching a sobbing man put on a grinning mask, “Why so gloomy all of a sudden, dearest?”
And now he was using flatteries. He was desperate to get me to change the subject. The words were behind my lips, begging to question his motives but the way he looked at me was enough to see that he didn’t want to talk about it. Before I could reply I found him rubbing his cheek playfully against mine, talking lightly as not to be so loud against my ear, “Please lighten up, it’s not often we get this much time to ourselves. No spying Kagome-sama, no bickering InuYasha, no Shippo to walk in on us~”
“What are you ranting about, houshi? It’s not like there’d be much to spy or walk in on,” I retorted, bashfully looking away as he pecked at where my jaw and ear met. “Oh well I can think of a few things,” he practically purred.
“Sukebe.”
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”
“It’d be more romantic if you weren’t.”
“It’d be less pleasurable if I wasn’t.”
I sighed defeated, “You’re incorrigible.” He laughed shortly as he snuggled his head between the crook of my head and shoulder. I rolled my eyes, coming across the tray again, “Houshi-sama the old monk brought us some rice and fish, better eat it while it’s warm rather than letting the cold get it.”
He burrowed closer in his little hiding spot, “I don’t want it.” I huffed and leered at his ponytail, being the only part of his head I could see, “Well it’s eat that or go hungry.” “Well I want something else,” he nearly pouted.
“There is nothing else so – mph!”
He ducked his head up and caught my lips, thoroughly surprising me. Did I mention the freezing and ‘what do I do! what do I do!’ part of when he kisses me? Well I was currently going though that stage again. Just when I thought I was able to react he pulled away, smirking devilishly at me. I blushed embarrassed under his gaze, “T-that was uncalled for.”
He chuckled, petting my hair as he tickled my nose with his own, “Would you rather I kiss you now or when I have fish-breath?”
“I’d prefer neither,” I mumbled in my sigh, making him laugh in his throat and hold me tighter.
“A fighter even in this Sango. You are truly insatiable.”
“Maybe if you’d be more sensible I wouldn’t be so defiant,” I suggested, eyes darting to his lips again before pulling back to his eyes, afraid he’d catch me.
The houshi gave a doubtful smirk, resting his cheek against his palm, “Sensible? How so dearest Sango?”
My thumbs played with each other as I blushed, “Ano … you could make sure I know what’s going on before you try and kiss me. It’s not as if I have practice in this area.”
“Is that all?” He blinked, lightly stroking the underside of my jaw. He leaned his forehead against my own, practically mesmerizing me with his gorgeous cobalt eyes, “Then with all do preparation may I kiss you?” The question had me pink again, but it didn’t take long before I found myself hesitantly nodding. My heart was doing flip-flops as he closed the gap between us by claiming my lips. It was so soft, nothing I would expect from this lust-driven houshi. Tentatively I let myself kiss him back, one hand resting at the back of his neck. How did he always make me feel as if the world was crumbling around me, but it didn’t faze me in the slightest? He was being so gentle, so understanding of my hesitance. Why did he always seem so perfect at times like these?
A tiny n** at my bottom lip startled me from my thoughts. “H-houshi-sama,” I breathed after withdrawing, a full blush across my cheeks. After a moment he sighed, kissing my forehead, “It’s alright, Sango.” Casually he reached over to where the tray lie, making a face as he poked the top of a rice mound, “It’s cold.”
I busied my attention by flicking at the bow of his keso, “I warned you.” A minute later I was out of his arms and taking the tray, “The houshi said we could always reheat it. I’ll be back soon.”
He looked like he was about to protest but nodded and smiled, “Arigato, koibito.” He didn’t see my flustered expression for my back was turned, though I nodded in return and left through the open shouji. Down the hallway I stopped in my tracks, leaning against the rice paper siding as I sighed up towards the stars.
Love sure was complicated.
(( eek I hit five pages this time …*gets ready to block random objects being angrily thrown with hiraikotsu* Gomen ne!))
Words to know
Shouji = Rice paper door mostly seen in wealthy homes
Tora = Tiger
Gomen nasai = Formal and respectable “I am sorry”
Sukebe = Pervert or perverted ((no it’s not ‘hentai’, that’s only a genera for … you know ninja ))
Shouki = poison (Naraku’s miasma)
Koibito = term of endearment meaning ‘lover’
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Community Member
Very descriptive xd 3nodding . And yes, since it's with houshi-sama/Houshi-sama, <3 love heart is/is complicated. 3nodding xd