I'm just sitting here bored and fustrated at myself for letting my pride, laziness and depression get in my way again. Lately I've been really moody and saying and writing things that I don't mean. In some ways I just want to push everyone away from me, but then again all I really want is to hang with my friends and feel like I have someone there for me. It seems as though I have lived within my own world for so long that I'm having trouble dealing and understand the real world. I sometimes wish that I could just go back to living in my own little world and just get away for everything. Last week I cames to realize something though. I have and still do live within a world of hate and it's about the only thing that I feel. I'll admit there are things that I have happened to me in the past and I'll never be able to forget them no matter how hard I try. The only people that I don't really feel hate towards are those who are the closest to me and I know I can trust. I also know that I need to remember that I can't just live for hate alone, that I also need to live for happiness no matter how rarely I show it.
Life is a balancing act that currently I'm failing at. I'm finding that the saying "When it rains, it pours" is true. Also that the saying "You just need to roll with the punches" is true as well. Yay for life and the lemons it gives you.
On a lighter note I've recently got addicted to two new animes. One is Hellsing and the other is Bleach. I rerally need to stop watching anime, because I like too many of them and they are so expensive. Though I have also gotten addicted to playing Soul Cailbur 3 as well....no wonder I procrastenate so much, lol. I really need to work on changing that.
 blueblackrose · Tue Jan 23, 2007 @ 05:53pm · 0 Comments |
