|
Wondering Mind
how can someone just decide what's good for themselves? i mean i figured out what i want to be at this point in my life and yet i can't seem to get there. instead of doing what i love to do im too busy pleasing everyone else. im finally goin back to school but the college im goin to wasn't part of the plan and the semester off wasn't either. my family is driving me slowly insane because my mother has somehow forgotten that i didn't birth her other two children. i love to sing and wish to continue to do it perfessionally but i haven't even officially warmed-up since june. i haven't practiced my piano since oct and violin since nov. what kind of a musician am i? i like to write but my creavtive muse has left me. i haven't drawn anything or written a poem in weeks, a story in months, and as to songs, i started one before my class but can't think of a second verse despite the fact that i have the rest of the song in my head, beats included. ive always been known as the logical baby genius but now i feel like i can't keep up with myself sometimes. i like a guy who is cool people and everything but my interest is slowly wanning because he likes me too but doesn't feel he can handle a relationship so we stay friends and next thing i know he's going on a date with some chick he hasn't met yet. but luckly im the understanding friend. i send him off with a blessing, a smile, and a wish of good luck, meanwhile my heart's breaking but i tell myself i'll get over it. and maybe that's my problem, im too understanding. if you're my friend i'll do a lot of stuff for you even at the expense of myself. like the time my friend liked a guy i liked and i stepped aside and helped her get him. me and my friendship issues. i don't know im just confused and needed to vent for a second. i just wished i knew someone who was as messed up as i am right now. sweatdrop question xp i feel so much better! blaugh
|
