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~~A Reflection Upon Myself, and Psychology as I see it~~ |
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The title just about states it. I am going to drift off psychology several times and get to lectures, though. wink So expect that. I'm not trying to teach, mainly remind myself (and maybe you) of these few things. This is mainly and article for me to reflect upon, revise, edit, or add to. But, also, possibly a cry to find more of my isolated type, or to let people know what I learn of psychology, the way the brain works, and to see... if I can learn more. I am not sure. I am almost never sure. There is a reason behind everything that happens, but that doesn't mean we always know it. Which also falls into psychology. The way I am falls into psychology. The way anyone is, or reacts, falls into psychology. Thats what "psychology" is. It is the way people react or think in the given situation, due to past events, teachings, and many, many variables. All of which that are processed and absorbed in the mind, and turned into long-term memory or not, depending on how it affects you. And that can improve and shape you. Which usually does, depending on the memory. At least thats how I define it. If this first paragraph was hard to understand, I'll asure you the rest will be as well wink
I am all about reputation. And I really wish I wasn't. It haunts me in a such a way, where I hesistate so much to do something, that I fail entirely and end up looking like a fool. I regret it a lot after it happens. And before I continue, I would like everyone to know that I am not goth or emo, I just take in facts and absorb them, usually in a calm way. And I am a type who admits his faulties, usually in a calm laugh, but I don't like being made fun of. And that goes on to bullies, which I will piece together later. Anyway, what usually happens to me, as shown in a random example, would be this:
Him: "Hey, [Zott]!"
Me: "Hey, whats up? *surprised someone is talking to me*"
Him: "Um, could you help me gather up people to form a group?"
Me: "Why?"
Him: "Just because. It'll be fun!"
Me: "*Still unsure* What will we do... in this 'group'?"
Him: "You'll see."
Me: *I run around, people are surprised of me acting in abnormal ways, and I, instinctively taking it in as a bad thing, screw up in response and end up with a strange look and a back turned on me.*
Me:*Then, I go back, tell them I don't want to 'join', and they're very angry/sad with me.*
And it's so hard to help. As much as I tell myself that I'll look like a fool not doing whatever it may be, it's better to actually be doing it, and maybe screwing up.
As hard as I try to keep control of my mind, simple things like horror novels and self-doubt can keep me up at night for a long time. But laughing gas, at the dentist's office, or bullies, I won't let mess with me. At the dentist's office, for instance, they had always called the feeling being "Your finger tips would become tingly, your toe-tips would become tingly, and you would feel sleepy." But I don't think thats a very adequate description. I think that it can be described the same way when you first get up in the morning, after a semi-decent sleep. You feel strong enough to walk, but not enough to clench your fist in a tight ball. You're mind jumps back and forth between sub-consious and sense of reality, sometimes switching the two for breif moments. And you'll snap back to reality. If you try hard enough in these tired states, you're actually able to conquer that part of your mind, but it's still not as close as you could get to your normal sense of reality and fantasy. It can get pretty close, but at least you'll know what they're doing to your mouth wink
Now we get to bullies, the lowest of the low. And at this time especially, there are more than ever. The internet is overcrowded with non-literate people, who use chat speak as "u", "ur", "plz", etc. I don't mind it as much, I even use "lol" and "rofl" all the time, but its just over-usage that bugs me. People will cram five seperate sentences into one loooooonnnnggg run-on sentence that you need to ask them about certain parts to understand. But, of course everyone, including me, makes many, many spelling/grammar mistakes/errors. I even correct my teachers in spelling mistakes when they hand out assignments wink It's always fun to correct a teacher. But over-doing this, and making a rude point out of it will turn you to a snob. Just today, when we were studying Native Americans, this one the "Mississippian", he had spelled it "Missississipian", and several students laughed when they saw it wink
Shoot! I'm drifting pretty far off bullies, which had been the original topic. Well, many items link to others, and thats how the world works icon_wink.gif If you don't understand one thing, that means you need to understand another... and another....
So anyway, bullies, at my school and on the internet, are usually (to me) highly idiotic and unreasonable. Bullies can be of several types, and I admit that I've been a bully more than once in my life, and sometimes can be hard to help. But it all falls into the reputation part, and twists and ways I won't try and define. But I'm not saying I'm trying to look "cool" bullying others. I utterly despise people who do that.
So anyway, bullies can be of several types: A few examples are ones that want to look "tough" or "cool" by picking on defensless kids (the worst), the ones that don't want to be seen being nice to little kids because they're afraid of what others will think, and ones who take out their anger on people who can't get back at them. Of course, all are just horrible. And whenever a bully will try and fight me with words, I fight back. If they hit me, I'll hit back. I'm not of the fighting type, I'll never start them, but I won't let it go without my opinion.... I just hope that I can summon up the bravery to do so.
And leaving the bullies part, I feel very isolated from the others at school, and am not entirely unhappy about this. I feel everyone to be too immature, no one can take in constructive criticism, learn from their mistakes, and be able to laugh at them. And, once again, I'm not telling you that you need to be able to laugh at mistakes. Sometimes they can be so bad that you won't laugh, but thats very understandable. That's usually why all my friends I'm really able to talk to, online anyway, are over 16. And in case you were wondering, I'm fourteen icon_wink.gif And I don't like to brag, but I've gotten from a lot of people that I am mature for my age. That I believe is true.
And to get to more on psychology. Have you ever gotten yelled at for the same thing, many times, because you still didn't put away your dishes, or clean up your room before bed, or brush your teeth after breakfast? Remember, parents stress these things for your own good. And there are consequences for these. But when I'm talking to people who read these, I doubt that needs to be told wink Anyway, if you really want to try, you'll feel much better afterwards, when you think "Hey, Dad's not going to yell at me for that anymore." And you'll become more responsible, and maybe even gain a tolerance for maintence of such simple things. And gaining a tolerance and habit of these things will only make you improve, and improve... and you'll get very far in life. But of course this cannot be certain, because no matter how hard you try at this "skill", there are more variables, and it all depends on what you're working on. Of course, you knew that, right?
And as I said earlier, I claimed there is a reason behind everything that happens. And its not always psychology. It can be physics, or course wink Like when a tree falls down in a lightning storm, or when your car cannot get up a hill on a slippery winter day. But I'm talking about "random" outbursts, I would know, I have a slightly younger brother who loves to shout out strange words when least expected. Even though he may not know why he did, and all he can come up with off the top of his head is "No reason. Just for fun biggrin " It might be actually because he wants to see how others react, or how he sounds. It may sound really silly, but really, if you think about it, don't you think that's what it may seem? But I know my brother very well anyway. wink (Pardon the several winks) My sister, as obnoxious as she is, can also be clueless--but very protective. I won't bash on her. She's very tough, but it can get out of hand. She'll hold her breath for hiccups and overdo the exhale in a loud and exaggerating way. I'll tell her "Please don't do that, you know its just for attention," and she'll yell back at me "No I didn't! I needed to breathe! Jeez!" (And I know very well that I'm not a genius and can just know things like that, but saying that as I did I was also wondering for a reaction... Its hard to notice how often people really do this! And how much people really need each other!)
Dreams.... wonderful and mysterious things they are. And how damaging they can be. As a kid, I was so sure that dreams were your "soul" traveling to a seperate world, and interacting with different fragments of my mind. Now, I can almost be sure that it's mainly just a way to keep your mind active. And I can also be sure that no one has a night with no dreams at all. And as I think these things, I don't have any proof I can put down right now. All I can say about it, is that when the brain is in a slightly over-worked state, it tends to fail in thoughts of reality versus fantasy. They merge together, and all thoughts of temporary reality tie into fantasy, which is also within the tired state when you "get up in the morning". When you wake up, all sense of reality floods back in, and turns back memories of dreams. And to me, that can get very depressing crying I have some very nice dreams... but I've been forgetting a lot recently. All of dreams, as strange and "random" as they may be are all things you "know". You wouldn't be able to taste something in a dream that has the same taste of the original item, if you've never tasted it. You won't be able to solve complicated math problems that you've never seen before, that is, if they'd still be in realistic state. It's hard to understand. But I've been thinking long and hard about it, and that is what I believe.
Ever noticed how testy some people can be? I'm not talking about random jerks, but I mean when you're trying to work and someone is giggling stupidly, and you just want to yell at them to stop.... but if you had been over there watching what they were doing or participating, you'd be laughing as well? In some ways, people don't accept something to be okay or "allow" others to laugh unless they're with them wink I'm a lot like that myself, it's very hard to help. My brother will be watching some hilarious vid while I'm emailing someone back and forth, and I'll just say "Stop laugh... no, nevermind, let me see whats so funny." And it usually is, and when someone notices relentment in one of these cases, they'll attack it-- "Hey! Look at this too! ^_^" Its not a particularly bad thing. I'm just pointing out things beyond what we normally think... Or how people I know normally think. All I can do about psychology is make educated guesses, or accurate findings with proof.
Female and male differences. This is mainly dealing with several things with males/females at my grade level/age level. (I'm fourteen and in eighth grade-- I went to preschool, and haven't flunked) Anyway, have you ever noticed-- Girls will form "packs" on the playground, for instance, and talk about clothes, blackmailing, boys, dates, makeup, or whatever is "hot" that week. mad d Boys will get in groups of two, four at most, and talk of crude humor, video games, maybe girls, or whatever happens to keep their minds busy and/or make them laugh. Sometimes, when "dared", a girl will go up to some lonely child (usually me xp ) and say something strange, rude, or just stupid. I'll respond in a confused way, and she'll leave quickly, giggling constantly, rejoining her herd as they point and laugh at me. I'll be left to sit there, glare back, and return to what I was doing (either deep thought, reading, or maybe even drawing). Rarely, other guys will look at me, sitting along, and call over to me "Hi, [Zott]! Come sit over here! biggrin " Very surprised am I, and I go over and sit there, feeling embarressed... What should I say?... Should I laugh at that joke? Crap, I'm doing this to myself again. I care about my reputation too much. But its so hard to help... And a whole new arguement will rage on in my head. Sometimes I'll join in the conversation, successfully telling a joke... wow, huge accomplishment, I know sweatdrop But if its not funny, I'm very embarressed. And when I don't want to sit with them, their smiles will fade and them, trying to be nice (Which is very appreciated) "You don't need to sit with us if you don't want to..." And I, knowing I had screwed up something else, will sadly return to what I was doing. Other times, people will just join me, during lunch, and I'll silently eat my food, as they talk on about whatever.
Romance. How amazing it can be as well. Of the several types, I find two most distinct. And I'll state those bluntly by Fake Love, True Love. FAKE Love I despise. I'm talking about when some hunk (or player) at school will just go out with any ol' random girl because she's "hot". They'll make out, and break up in a week. They will tell me they're "trying to get to know one another", or "because she's hot! I don't want some pimply girl." (<-- that disgusts me.) The cute little "I just want to meet more people," thing is stupid. I'll ask him/her "So, what did you learn about her/him? Favorite color? Middle name? Hometown?" And they won't know. And when they say "She's just hot." All I can do is walk away with a sick face. People like that are so pathetic. And abusive. (I even got someone who was ashamed of me not touching and violating my old girlfriend. I told him "We aren't in to that" And we weren't--- we were only 11-12 at the time. He told me that "People are going to be having sex. It's how you make babies." wink
A sub-category that can fall into the fake love section is agressive love. That's when you (usually) used to love someone in a tender and gentle way, and have become agressive and strangely jealous and desperate. This is the stage where people will hurt their mate, or "randomly" get angry. Anyone that will interact his/her mate will face serious consequences. This can get very violent and will lead to nothing but depression, anger, and fear ("Which leads to the Dark Side!" As Yoda would say blaugh ). But sometimes this course of action will be like this when you start.
True love is what everyone longs for, even the little girls who read their fairy stories where the dashing, handsom prince saves the desperate, poor princess. But I mean when you feel so happy together, you allow enough freedom that whatever will make them happy will make you even more happier. You don't want to rush things, just be together as much as possible. Any moments you get together alone are years of happiness.
I'll be sure to add more. This is just a collection of what I may know, and it'll extend further and further.
 SmashLord Spoon · Mon Sep 18, 2006 @ 10:47pm · 1 Comments |
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