Its makes me so depressed when I have to deal with people that bother the hell out of me. I can't take all of my anger out on them which makes me even more angry. It all starts with the little things. People making loud unnecessary noises or moving around way to much. It makes my skin itch but I try to let it pass without yelling at someone. Then on to more bigger things. People mock me if I start yelling or getting angry. It makes my skin itch, it makes me start shaking, I Don't want to feel like this, I want to beat it out of myself. Just get all the anger out of my system. Now these people are my brothers and sister and they are not trying to hurt me. There just playing around. Its supposed to be funny. But when I don't laugh at there jokes and when I start yelling at them then Its all my fault. I ruin everyone's day for being a nasty b***h.
I have A Freaking problem! I let all these little things get to me. Then they all build up and I have a huge mess of emotions and I end up hurting myself for it. I'm Just typing this here Because I'm trying to sort through my thoughts.
I can't continue to type about this because now I'm distracted from my thoughts.
Anyway's To cheer myself Up I'm going to continue this entry as if This was a friend that I haven't talked to in A very long time.
Its kinda True. I Haven't Type here In forever. So hows my life? Well As you can see It pretty great. I think its just kinda hard having allot of brothers and sister. You kinda need a break sometimes. As you may know, I have 5 sisters and 4 brother living with me right now. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. I end up getting super upset about life and I have a moment where everything just comes out. I think everyone does. But I hate when It happens. I feel so weak and ungrateful. I should not cry about anything, And I definitely should not hurt myself over it! I have no reason to cry. My family loves me. I have both of my parents who aren't fighting over me. I have food and shelter. And I have Islam. Every time I get upset I think to myself 'Why am I crying and I have all of this' and it makes me even more upset Because I start crying more because I feel so ungrateful and filthy.
O'k, Anyways. I feel much better now. I could never have done this at Home on my computer because I have no privacy. I'm at my older sister house right now on my mums laptop.
I'm happy this time no one caught me crying. when that happens everyone seems to be thinking "Ugh, Sunnis mad again" and I don't want people to see me as the girl that's always angry. Its kinda sad because that pretty much defines me.
Anyways I keep trying to get off of this subject but I keep going on and on. Usually when I'm talking to other people I like to talk about myself and I know that's really rude so I try to limit the time I spend talking about myself. When I typing right now I feel like I'm talking to a friend (ikr, I'm a loner) So I feel like its rude to talk about myself this whole time. But Its MY Freaking Journal! So who cares.......Maybe the people who read it.
Anyways I'm going to stop typing now. And Guess what? It started off bad and Now I have a happy ending.
Fatty Pom Poms Community Member 
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