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Ok, I apologize in advance, for not posting any new poetry in such a long time. Anywaise, my life has been hell, which isn't new, but there have been some good things, too.


Latley, I've become more suicidal, wanting to die more; that's a good thing, though, since I fianlly feel more dead inside; which is something I wanted for so long. I still have emotions, yes, but I can't feel my body anymore, and I can also detactch myself emotionally from anyone, regarldless of how close I am to them. It may seem like a bad thing, but, it really isn't; not for me, at least.


A bad thing, the mental hospital got on my case again, because I had to get my arm tooken care of. It was bleeding so badly from my newest cut, which I did the morning before going to school, that I had to get it taken care of my the nurse. They said I needed stitches, so I told them they could shove it as far as they can get it. The people at the mental hospital wanted to see me, and arrange an appointment, but I wasn't at school that day, so they had to cancel it. (I was skipping, btw.) The next day, they decided to come to my house, and have a conversation with me, on another day I skipped. The saw my arm, and now relize I cannot be helped, and that I may just end up killing myself.


Good thing from it, though, is that if I don't cut myself until this friday, I will get six dougnuts! The second after I get them, I'm so going to butcher the hell out of my arm! Another good thing is, a good friend of mine from Arkansas, who did live close to me for awhile, came back for his spring break; so it's cool. >.<


Another bad thing, was that I got into a couple of arguements, made some people cry, and now...I don't know, really. Everything seems distant from me at this moment. I don't remember anything, I have a hard time paying attention, and I feel like I'm back-tracking, back to my past; where I lost everything. Was I meant for true happiness? Or am I just a lost cause, as I say, that has no meaning, no hope, and wishes to fidn peace from dying? I hope what I feel, is true. I'm happy in my own way, knowing that I'm dead inside, and may die one day from suicide. I'm cool with it all, and I ask for the ones that care for me, as I do them, to respect my wishes. I have only only one real reason for why I'm living: And that's for the few people I care most for. I said I'd do anything for them, and they want me to live, so, I say "what the hell." Eh, skip this crap, I'm just typing, to be typing. I don't even know what the hell I had typed, until I went back and read it. So don't worry, I shall make another update soon, or make a poem here, and post it.