Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

not a whole lot to note this time.

b is in a slump and wants to leave as soon as he can. he feels like he is just wasting his time staying here and that he has done nothing but taken a huge step backwards. i can understand where he is coming from and i am trying to console him, but nothing i do or say is going to make him feel better. he has already come to the conclusion that he is a burden here. no matter what mike or i tell him, he is still just going to think that we are being nice to him and cutting him a break. i know the feeling, so instead of trying to convince him to stay, which is what mike is doing, i am just telling him to do what he wants to do. do what he thinks will make him happy.

mike is still being sweet and talking about all sorts of goofy things with me. i think that within the next year or so, we are going to start seriously talking about kids. in september, the lease is up here and he is talking about moving somewhere else. and since i have been mentioning the types of areas that i would like to raise a family in, i think that he will be looking in those areas. i could be completely wrong, but i dont know. all the things he's doing lately seem to be pointing to it. he talks about kids all the time. tells me that i am going to make a great mom and that he cant think of anyone else he would want to have kids with. we talk about how they should be raised and what their names would be. we talk about all sorts of things regarding this. and he keeps wanting to save as much money as possible, but when asked what he's saving for, he just kinda shrugs his shoulders and says "i dont know." when we're having sex lately, it seems like he's contemplating each time whether or not to put a condom on. he kinda plays around a bit without one, like he's thinking about it. which is something he has never done before. its always been condom on as soon as he gets near it. i could also just be making all this up. assuming things. im good at that. all i ever wanted was to make a family with someone i can trust and love for that long. and i think i have found that someone. so all thats left really is to actually make those kids. i could be just tricking myself into thinking that all these irrelevant things mean something.

target is still ok. they are changing their times to a later start time. which means that i am going to have to stay there longer every day. which isnt all that bad. i stay until noon anyway on a normal day, so it wont make much of a difference to me. however, since its a later start time, that means 2 hours a day missing off of my check. so i would have to stay until 2 to get the same hours. which i cant do with the nanny thing. so i dont know how this is going to work. since i havent been there that long, i dont think i am going to get the extra dollar on my pay like everyone else. but it doesnt really matter. that job is just kinda like an extra one anyway. i have the nanny thing, and its pretty permanent. so its not a big deal to give up target if it gets inconvenient.

as far as nannying goes, its a good week. there was some jewish holiday, so i didnt have to go over for 3 days now. but im not really going to get any money this week from them either. im hoping that i dont have to go tomorrow either.

my brother, his girlfriend, and thier daughter are going to come spend the weekend with me. which would be cool, but im not really going to get to spend much time with them. i have to work every morning that they are here. and easter is this weekend too, so its going to be a pain in the a** trying to get everything situated with them being here and visiting the various people i have to visit. im thinking that i might call off some visits versus others to be able to spend more time with them. the last time they came to visit, the same sort of thing happened. i had to work, so i was really tired. they came for one day, and i fell asleep real early the night before, so i didnt really get to talk to them at all since i had to take them home the next day. i dont want to do that to them again.

sigh. i think thats all for now. i dont really have anything more to update on.