I know I can be confusing at times, where you would just say 'whatever' and go on whee But then there is confusion you want to straighten out, but cant. I feel like stuck in a circle, I have the key out, but Im not sure if I will be doing a good thing opening the doors so soon, but I belive there has been enough time to pass to make people understand, but still dont really belive my own words about it being right or wrong, I run over the words I wrote, and suddenly they change their meaning, that what I wrote doesnt matter anymore, even changed from right to being wrong, because you saw them in words, not in thoughts, thoughts fly around, not even with a net can you stop them. I want to say these things, but I cant, only by writing this, pulling it slowly out of my mind into writing, something solid.
You learn things when you have something to learn from, other people, yourself, your actions, anything. I have learned alot the weeks that have gone by, more than all the months before (even before the journal), learned more about myself, what I want, and what I need, or more than I knew before. Most all of it I learned after meeting, or remeeting a friend, you all know him, he's famous xd Trygon TBD He understood me better than anyone before. He is yet another peice in the large family whitch is still the most confusing thing I know, and I will try to give you my view on it through this.. writing. I can harldy help it, but to write it all down here, my point of view, do not forget that.
I used to, and probibly still, try to do everything to keep things on their right course, atleast in connection with me, I dont want to be looked at as strange, different kind of strange for I know Im a bit strange already, but when people look at you like there is something wrong, that kind of strange, it can make you worry, even if it does not harm you, phisicly. Im just me, I cant be anyone else, or its hard to be someone you arent.
As I grew closer to my friend, I and my husband grew more distant, I can not say it was my fault, or anyones elses, it just happened slowly. And one day, my luv, my dear husband tells me to remember him, and not telling my why, why I would even be able to forget him if he was around, or maybe he wasnt going to be for long, I was confused, I knew what he planned to do, but he wouldnt tell me himself, letting me find out on my own, giving his soul to keep us safe, I do not see how, but I hope his gift wasnt for nothing, or he would still be here, unharmed, or maybe he couldnt take it anymore, Trygon was always asking for his soul, or going to take it, snapping at his tail, I saw it, but I hoped it would stay as it was, not wanting it to get worse, that was all I could hope for, and today, Im not sure whitch way it went, better or worse. He had grown so distant from me, for a while it was just as if he had just been away all along, as he usually was, for days, but it slowly came to me, he wasnt coming back, he left me a locked with our picture in it, us together, I will never forget, no matter what it may seem, I loved him, I cared, I was loyal, always and forever, til death do us apart...
Trygon got his soul, Orion's soul to be right, trying to get his godhood back, but it failed, he was rejected, it did someting to him, whitch makes him feel the need to correct all wrong he sees, makes me wonder what he sees as 'wrong', but Im sure what he sees wrong is wrong indeed. Even if Trygon's plan failed to return to godhood, Orion's soul will not be saved, atleast he will not be the one he used to be.
You might be wondering where is the confusion, I'll tell you where it hides, or atleast to me it is confusing, but still it makes sense in one way or all. Familymatters, all the connections I have been drawn into after and before my marrige to Orion of the Dragos. I used to be alone, no family I could mention, no one to connect to, so this family thing is confusing, and ontop of that is the way the become family, where the connections lie between each member, its the strangest thing I have ever needed to understand, even if I do not nessiserly have to understand it. I'll try to explain it, others might explain it better, or maybe I explain it best, I have no idea, I do not know all of them, just a small part of them, it is a large family, containing a few friends.
Trygon TBD, a fallen dragon god of Chaos and cruelty, you might find it strange that I see as the nicest dragon around. He used to be, or probibly still is (I do not know for sure, things change so fast around here) a 'bouncher' at Hietaro's bar, 'The Black Angel Wings Bar'. Hietaro is Orion's brother, even if I have never known them to like each other, She was BigDiesel's mate (I do not know why I mention him, but I knew him from 'Underworld Bar' (I do not have anything else to say about him though). As many know, Trygon is the father of her most resent child, Shiriru, cutest lil thing. I even gave lil Shi his first toy, Im not sure if everyone would agree that it was a toy, but a toy never the less x.X, a shrunken, dried voodoo head (real head) as a chew toy *laughs*. But still, somehow Trygon and Hietaro have a strange connection, I guess its mostly the child, I can see why (yeah.. such a cute lil thing). I even heard that Hietaro wanted to take revenge on Trygon for her brother, where that will/did lead, I do not know x.X
Chidori Kuruma is another of Orion's sisters (he had many, and she is now my sister'in'law *laughs* I married my sisters brother XD). She is sweet, I havent gotten to know her closely, I should *nods*. She is determinded to bring Orion back, somehow, I do not know how, but Im afraid if she will be able to, what she will bring back, it will doubtfully be the Orion I knew (I just know, within Trygon manythings happen to eaten souls x.x.)
Ajax_ The Werewolf, I met him in the Underworld bar (I do not go there now for some reason, I get attached to one place at a time o.o'), I met Orion there as well, and many others, I belive I saw Trygon there also and his former-mate, Sythra Flame (I saw her often, remember as the wolf that lay infront of the fire place). The first night I met Orion, he was sitting at the bar, drinking his lycan blood (he had a thing against them, something to do with his past, a pack of werewolfs.. sad story whitch I do not remember fully) all he wanted was others to drink with him, it was his birthday after all, but he had his way of making people go away rather than come. Sitting alone for a while, I started to feel bad for him, even if I had noticed his attitude, whitch had driven all the others away, he seemed (or wanted to seem) bigger, wiser and better than the rest. I walked over to him, just because I couldnt leave him alone there, all I asked him was to stop his act, his attitude, I did not like it, and he did. But he was also picking on werewolfs that came by, Ajax is the one I remember him to almost kill that night, even after how much I tried to heal Ajax, begging Orion to stop (he was just a stranger to me then, both of them) I was trembling with anger as I was ingored, pushed aside. Xakara was there too, trying to stop the nonesense, she welt pain with the werewolf Ajax, the even became mates after that night. Orion did not kill him, but close to it, then he came to me, trying to confort me, I had never been conforted like that, neither had I ever felt so angry. That same night we became mates, to tell the trought, it was my first try at love. Ajax and Orion were still always arguing, fighting everytime they met. Somehow, later on, they became friends, even if Orion still did not like lycans at all. And strangely enough, one day Ajax came to me, with the strangest quiestion, a quiestion I had not expected, ever. 'Can I call you mom?' o.O And even stranger is that Orion agreed to adopt him, and today Im trying to be a good mother, he isnt a kid, but he is cute, he loves to be told he is cute... its not hard to say it because it is most often true *nods* he, what he is, how he is, its so cute o.O... (enough cuteness!)
Things went on, things happened, I remember one week, I was always trying to be around, but I was never around when he arrived and he never when I arrived. I waited a while, waited for a PM atleast if we would not meet soon. Over that week, he thought I had left, and was around another female, she fell in love with him, Im not sure if he felt the same, but it wasnt being loyal towards me, it was only a week, and he thought I left, not even asking (PM) before that. It was over as soon as it began, I looked past that, but later on, I walked in as a yet, another female was kissing him while licking of remaining blood (they were covered in it) I couldnt belive it, he told me it wasnt what it seemed, and I told him I belived him. Then he couldnt bare it, he didnt want to loose me, sure of if anything more like this would happen, I would not look past it again (and I wouldnt have), he wanted to do anything to keep me close.. he asked me to marry him *smiles softly* and I said yes, I do not regret it, but it worried me when he never arrived when the wedding was to be held, 3 times in a row, the last time I was scared, angry and desperade, I couldnt take it, if I had to wait another weekend alone, waiting for him, I would brake, it was like lying to my face, but he did not fail me, he came, I cried, I trembled, I smiled. I was so afraid he wouldnt arrive.
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I will write more later....
Comments are still loved as always... maybe even needed, I do not know for sure, I like comments... sweatdrop gonk
and anyone I mention in this writing, comments from you all will be loved deeply eek
tell me its terrible
tell me its terrible because I told you to,
then I'll bite some tails domokun
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erotic, not exotic... fruits are exotic
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Trygon
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Trygon
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