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hey folks, hasn't been that long since I wrote anything. So here it goes again. Last entry was simply about boredom, but I'm changing it up a bit. Not for the better sadly, life at homes been tough. Certain people in the house hold me bounded to them .. I finally got away, I love them with all my heart. But they can't .. or wont open their eyes. I'm full of sorrow over how I feel like I've betrayed them all. But I know it's only guilt that I shouldn't be feeling. I'm at a friends currently, and they are taking really good care of me .. I don't know how the rest of the evening will go .. I don't know, if I'll
have to go back "home", i don't even know where I'm sleeping tonight. All i know is by running away from my "parents" I finally broke free of torture, I finally can breath without someone preaching about spirit crap and pretending to be better then everyone else. Like I said, I LOVE THEM ALL so very very much .. but I've had enough. I've reached my breaking point..I've cried so much i feel like even if I tried nothing would come out. my eyes hurt, my face is red, I can hardly type this all right, I'm shaking a lot, I'm scared, I'm panicking, I'm afraid, I'm nervous .. and all because I want out. Out of hell, out of fake trust, out of yelling and shouting and nagging ... OUT.. damn it. -sighs- I could go on forever but in a nutshell. I ran away. I'm at a friends. I'm "safe" so far. I'm scared shitless, and the cops will be here soon. Staring there hard cold unfeeling eyes on me. Asking why I want out. And I'll just be sitting there .. sitting there looking back at them .. cold, nervous, scared..looking at them and thinking..how can someone make such a huge impact on my life. And no one else knows. Know one else sees...no one is even phased by it until I act out. Everything is fine, until someone wants out. I know that nutshell is pretty freaking big. But it's as simple as i could but it. . . and heres even simpler .I....want....out. <====I should have just ended it there..should have let you stop reading, about sorrow and pain. But I need to write..need to keep doing something. I have no clue what to tell the cops .. well i do, but when they start talking I swear i will forget it all and then I will have to go home. I have so much support is hurts. And yet .. I still feel like I need more help. I need a freaking Nascar drivers crew team to help me out. I need a schools football team as back up. I need SO MUCH HELP.. I need more taliking, I need more time, i need more makeup to cover this ugly face .. so red so full of tears .. so broken.. I need MORE..more more more. But who am I to ask for so much? who am I to want so much? and feel like I need all this? Who am I? I'm just a girl, a girl who wants to live a peaceful life .. without yelling and nagging, without pain and sorrow, without missing her sisters and wanting to go away, away from the world all together..I'm just a girl.
I JUST WANT OUT!