That impending wait before you hit rock bottom can seem to take forever. You smoke another nail in your coffin, pour yourself another drink and sit alone in the pitch black room. Drinking and smoking alone.
Emotions run high. Unfortunately they are the kind of emotions you can never quite pin down what they are.
Possibly a mix of sadness, loneliness and a deep understanding of why these apply to you.
Being this type of lonely is like being drunk.
You see yourself acting in this way, you understand it and know with immense comprehension what you are doing. Yet, when it comes time to stop and your brain is yelling stop with ever synapse it can fire, your body refuses outright.
Hardship breeds Character. The wrong kind of character.
Walking around a man with deep holes in his soul pretending your fine. Filling those holes with alcohol only to find those puddles dry and empty again in the morning.
Things like work and friends can help you ignore your thoughts. Distract you until one day you fall a** backwards into a relationship and those holes are at least half filled. But you'll never be the same.
Some will argue that you'll be an ever better person for having experience and depth applied to your personality.
Those people are optimists.
The rest of us know that when things get to the point of never being the same they get to the point where they will never be as good as they were.
It's all a joke.
Sion Vangeles Community Member 
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