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The way we see friends and people we love is a delicate thing, almost like an egg. It can sit in its case in the shopping bag all the way home, things on top of it, rattling around, but one gentle tap on the wrong side when you're putting it in the egg basket at home, sure that it is finally safe, and it cracks.

I love my friends. I love having friends. I enjoy communication now in a way that is unusual if you consider the person I used to be. Up until my third year of secondary school (13 years old) I was a loner in every sense of the word. Alone in terms of people who cared and alone in nature. I turned around at the age of 13 when I started attending a different school, one that was able to account for my social disorder and help me get on. I made friends with the other people in the 'unit' for special needs, I learned to respect that I was like them, and then I learned to avoid being like that. I grew, I opened up, I fell in love and I found out how happy life could be.

About three years ago I flipped back to my loner instinct. I decided I wanted to get away, and hid behind a false smile. My love, whom I had been with for four years, left me, and I receded. Eventually the solitude got to me, I started crying myself to sleep, I would loose my pain-on smile and people were noticing. I pushed a few people away that I shouldn't have, but having friends got me through it, even the ones who didn't know me too well. No, especially them. I was back in the social scene and I started enjoying life a little more. After all, love is important, but not everything, and having people who care for you, and people to care for, is most important of all.

But then, recently my heart feels heavy and my eyelids match. I loose my temper with friends, and I hide it, letting it out later. I don't think anyone is noticing just yet, but I'm tired of spending all my time around people. There is only so much to say before it turns to pointless nonsense. I long to finish certain projects and relax so I can have time alone with my thoughts.

But I can't stay alone entirely. I am in love, and I don't want to take a break from that. It's a new love, and one I intend to nurture to blossoming. Now I don't know where I stand, and because of that, my heart aches.

All that, and I'm not even emo.