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Welcome to Aidan's BRAIN EMPTYING TIME! *catchy theme tune plays* here's your host: Adonis!

"Hi and welcome to the show! I am depressed, ignore my plastic smile!"
*Studio audience ignores the 'Aww' neon.*
"Okay! On to today's topic! Today on ABET we will be taking a comparative look at love between friends and lovers."

So, up until today I was in a relationship with a girl who I considered the greatest blessing I have ever received. She cared about me, and let me care about her; everyone knows I'm a fixit. If people are hurt, sad, annoyed, anything, I like to hear why and offer any advice I have. People actually used to come to me often, it was fulfilling to know my advice helped... until it didn't, of course; then I was the one to blame, but I got over that. Anyhow. Great right? She loved me, I loved her. I loved the world because she loved me and if the world gave me that then it deserved some love.

And then today... ah. It's actually the second time this has happened to me. Last time it had made four years, and suddenly the girl wasn't ready to be in a romantic relationship any more; she needed room to grow. Two months later she was in the arms of another man. Needless to say, having the EXACT same reason for a 'break from love' given to me by a girl who is, lo and behold, the exact same age as the prior example, was a hefty blow, and has made me question the previously strong trust I had for her. Of course, with consideration, I think I NEED to trust her, because I still want her, and if I chose not to trust her then where would my love leave me? In doubt. So no, I trust her; Michelle isn't going to 'lightly let me down' with the not ready for love excuse and then run off with someone else in a matter of months.

She has assured me she still loves me, and that this is hard for her too; alas, the prior example gave me the same message.

The correlations bring up painful memories that only worsen this.

The most agonising thing; I still love her with all of my heart, regardless of the way she is clawing her way out of it. My chest aches, like I'd just had a heart attack, my lungs won't take a deep breath, my body aches to throw away my dignity one more time and beg her again "stay with me; you say you're not 'leaving' me, but it feels like you're leaving the part of me that wants you most". Loving her when she doesn't want the kind of love I have for her is painful.

I know 'friend' love, and I know about the 'friend zone', and it hurts to know so much about this kind of situation since I've been here before. I have friends, and I know they love me, but I want to hurt things right now and I don't think I'm going to be a good friend to anyone. Now that she's not here talking me down, all the things she calmed me down from are back. The depression, the anger (oh, FURIOUS anger at the world), and the aching, throbbing desire to put a fence spike through my head.

Aidan needs to clear out that space in his heart and then set up a house party with all of his friends to make sure the house doesn't go empty, even if the walls are torn by the claw marks, so "it's time to wrap up this imaginary, prizeless gameshow with the usual! See you all next time!"
*bad theme music plays again, ingraining into your mind and bugging you just when you thought you had forgotten the sound of it*