You know, a good friend pointed something out to me today. It takes a lot of guts for me to even admit this here. I was being a complete retard today. Somebody told me something that, in actuality, makes perfect freaking sense! And what did I do?
I was quicker to get offended than anything else. Why did I do that? A defense mechanism? An automatic, conditioned response? I honestly don't know. My attitude towards him was completly in the wrong. I don't like saying I'm wrong. I still have the little voice in the back of my head saying,
"You're not wrong! Forget what he says! You're always right!" My fading insanity has held onto at least a little bit of common sense. I find my temper is short, my ability to listen to people speak about my faults is even worse. I've changed for the better, and for the worse over the course of the last century. I used to be so shy I wouldn't talk to anyone. I used to want to cry if someone looked at me the wrong way.
I got tired of it and began to shove at everything. Instead of being shy, I turned into a complete, effing a-hole! I'm too apathetic for my own good. Okay, so, I'll not shy away from the exact topic which was discussed today.
I said some vulgar things in text that I would never, ever say by word of mouth. Why do I type them if I never, ever use them? I don't know. I'm so confused, honestly. I don't know much of anything when it comes to myself.
On the exterior I'm a very strong person. I'm even strong mentally where others are very weak. However, I find in certain instances that I am naive and unbelievably ill educated.
Despite all this, I'm striving to try and be a better person. Still, dang. gonk
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Mood: Enlightened
Music: Death Note Theme - Hoshihina Hirano and Hideki Ta.
Maiyra Community Member 
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