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I go to the park alot, just to, you know sit on the swing, play my MP3 player and hit my good tunes, listening to some good Nightwish, some Within Temptation, Marilyn Manson, Ayumi Hamasaki and all that. But then Suddenly my mind will be lost, my mind practically takes me to another place.

I, well have no love live at the moment, like I WAS in one relationship with his one guy, but, he broke my heart, because he would never tell me anything, it hurt me so much because I'd have to find out from the b***h in my school who has the biggest ******** mouth...if he didn't want to tell me...why tell her? anyways after that I broke up with him and then well, I was depressed for a little while, because it was hard, I loved him but at the same time...I hated him. We tried to get back together but he was being a whore and dating more then one person at a time...it was hurtful...because I trusted him but he broke that trust.

After that I got an anxiety problem, I couldn't sit inside a classroom, I couldn't go to the store...I couldn't go to a friends house, damn I even have trouble sleeping at night and now I have insomnia. I've cried so much this year that I don't know what to do anymore, the more I try to help myself the more it gets harder to deal with this problem. Finally I'm I got to the doctors...and wouldn't you have it I had to sit outside because I couldn't sit in the room, and in the room with the doctor my throat felt like it had tighten and every time I swallowed it hurt. After that the doctor gave me antidepressants....am I really depressed as he makes me to be? I don't know.

Back to about my mind takes me because that's what I originally started writing this, it all starts on the swing, just swinging back and fourth, back and fourth...and then suddenly I find myself walking down the halls of school, you know, doing school stuff, going to my locker, hanging with my friends and then suddenly a group of guys would introduce each other to us. It wouldn't be like a 'hey babe you hot wanna go out?' these guys actually hung out with us, only, I could never see there faces properly, nor really there cloths or even hear there name once so It was hard to tell. Anyways after that they would hang out with us, they may not be interested in anime like most of us but they would be hanging with our other interest.

and it would go on until...I don't know until one day one of the guys came up and asked me out, I wasn't sure what to say, I mean, in this little day dream fantasy I still had my anxiety issues going on and well, I wasn't sure if I could go on a date with him. SO I told him and this is how the conversation went:

"hey, Brianne, I was wondering, would you like to go out with me some time?" the Mysterious guy asked, I couldn't tell if he was smiling or not but that's not the point, the only real thing I could tell was that he was tall, and had dark hair.

"um...I'm not..sure," I told him, I would look down, to afraid to look him in the eyes because I feared what kind of look he had on his face.

"oh...ok then," He would sound so, disappointed (remember this is only a fantasy so for all I know if a guy did this to me he would just say 'whatever' and go to the next chick) and turned around to walk a way, I would stand there for a couple of minutes before running up and grabbed him by the sleeve.

"w-wait...it isn't that I don't like you..." I told him, he would look at me strangely before answering.

"but then...why?" He would asked, I would look around and see the other students (this was in the school) and I would quietly tell him if we could go somewhere else private. He nodded and took me somewhere, somewhere where there were stairs and he sat me down, with him next to me. "what is it you wanted to tell me," He would ask.

"well, you see," and then I would explain it all to him, my issues, my anxiety problem and all that, I would tell him everything (even though I've only known this person for a short period of time). If I would actually tell a guy this I don't know but either way that was how it happened. After that, well he seemed understanding.

"so...your not ready," he said and I could see a hint of a smile on his face, perhaps he wasn't so down about it, he then said, "maybe...we can take it slow," When he said that I thought about it, maybe that's what I needed, if I could learn to get close to him, then maybe I could finally have a relationship. I was crying by then and nodded before hiding my face in my sleeves, h would smile (I think?) and lean over and give me a hug. And that's how it all started.

After that we would hang out at school, after (as much as we can) and soon we would be going over to my house (I still found it hard to go over and meet his parents). My parents, would be giving him questionable looks but we kept upstairs, sitting on the couch, me leaning slightly against him. Eventually it turned to us sitting down stairs in the basement, we would have all the lights off and we would be watching a scary movie. I do love scary movies but even more so I can get scared of them.

We would be watching one with one of those movies with the main actress had overly huge fake breast and would run around half naked or with a low cut top showing the world everything. Eventually he made a comment.

"wow...her boobs are huge," he would say, but I knew from the tone in his voice that it was from shock, I turned to him, and gave him a cute fake pout.

"aww..you don't like my boobs?" I said, he caught on pretty fast but played along.

"of coarse I do, unlike hers, yours are real...and big as a bonus," he said grinning (or at least I think he was). I blushed and chuckled before he wrapped his arms around me. I think this was the first time he did this. He turned my face to his with his hand, looked at me and leaned in, he stopped half way, just to make sure I had enough time to push him away (or pull back, which ever natural reaction came first). By then I was feeling my anxiety building up, my throat tightening, but stomach becoming a little upset but unsurprised I didn't pull away. Instead I moved forward and pressed my lips to his. my anxiety was still there, but had cooled down a little.

It wasn't a full out make out kiss, this kiss was innocent, just lips to lips, no tongue involved, no hands running up and down our bodies, just a simple little first kiss for me. Finally I pulled back, afraid that my anxiety would take control and I would get sick on him (how embarrassing that would be) I told him how I felt at the moment, reassuring him it was from being so nervous and not because I found him so disgusting that I would feel sick.

After my stomach settled down and my throat un tightened I sat back down and we watched the rest of the movie. to my surprise I was able to continue watching it comfortably, (and so did he).

After that my mind skipped to when my family goes down to Hanna to see my grandparents and cousins. In this fantasy he has a car (what kind? I have no clue and don't really care). Were riding down the highway, down the roads and through the small towns on the way. We would be joking around, talking to him and warning him about my cousins and, grandparents and my own perents. I knew we weren't going to sleep in the same bed (I knew that all to well and I don't think I was ready for something like that).

When we arrived at my grandparents house and I introduce him to my grandparents, plus vise versa. After that we stay up with them, talk to them, just sit and have friendly conversation. After that me and him both go down to the basement, he takes the cot laid out in the floor while I take the bed. After that, at the wee hours of the night, I'm shuffling and moving around in my bed alot. FInally after a while (when I turned to the couch I found that it was three in the morning) he knocked on the door, I looked up and he quietly asked if he could come in. I gave him a small reply and he came in, fully dressed in pajamas like I was. He settled himself in the bed on top of the covers (while I was sitting up under them).

"your moving alot, are you ok," He asked and nodded.

"just hard to sleep somewhere other then my own bed," I told him smiling. nodded his head and leaned over and gave me a soft peck on my lips. to my surprise he settled himself on the bed, I looked at him questionably.

"I know you wake up early, so you can just wake me up and I'll go sleep in the cot," He told me and I nodded before slipping back in the bed. If my dad walked in (which he didn't) I think he would be more understanding because we were both fully clothed and he didn't have his arms around me AND because he wasn't under the blankets with me. I fell and sleep soon after.

I woke up early, not unusual and I looked over to him, I pushed him, trying to get him up before he turned over and let out something I couldn't understand. FInally I left him there, I decided if my dad walked in I would tell him He came in here when I woke up because the cot wasn't comfortable. (I got out of the blankets and moved them over him to make it believable and watched TV). It was probably an hour or so later when finally woke up, to my utter surprise he role on top of me, looked me in the eyes and smile (I think?) before kissing me deeply, by then we had moved to being able to use tongue and I found myself kissing back, we did this for thirty seconds before I heard and door open, I pushed him off, told him to hide under the end (which he did) and soon the door opened to reveal my cousin Paula and her boyfriend. I told them to come in and told my mysterious guy to come out from under the bed. Paula took it as good humor and laughed at him and me (which we blushed at). After that I introduced him to Paula and her boyfriend. After that we sat and talked until I went to the bathroom and came back to see him blushing like a mad man.

I asked him why and soon found myself blushing as well as he told me that My cousin has asked him if the two of us had sex before. This is a question I can totally see her asking -_-.


Anyways...this is all I'm going to write for now, I'll update though on this mysterious fantast guy I've created. Anyways.

this is Bri

signing out.