I wish I'd seen this years ago, it would have saved so much hassle in the long run!
email from Pixie's Sister
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) why you were disqualified
from the competition. (Check those that apply...)
1. ___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
3. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a
little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
6. ___Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
10. ___You have a hairy back.
11. ___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.
16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in
a long term partner.
18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. Should you, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag ere really necessary for a successful business trip.
20. ___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
_____________________
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) why you were disqualified
from the competition. (Check those that apply...)
1. ___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
3. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a
little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
6. ___Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
10. ___You have a hairy back.
11. ___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.
16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in
a long term partner.
18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. Should you, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag ere really necessary for a successful business trip.
20. ___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
_____________________
So, *scribbles in boxes* Dear EX Boyfriend....
*ticks numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16, 17, 18 and ticks and underlines and highlights numbers 15 and 20*
Sincerely, PiX
Has anyone got an envelope?
Community Member
*feels she knows Pixie a little better also - due to the boxes she ticked--- oh and the x! Hairy back---iwww! xp