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My life is drifting apart with my family drifting even further. It's like I can't stop it. Sometimes I think was it right being even alive. Everyday I slowly clean up my room trying to fill my mind with cleaning and distrating myself from my worst fear Lonliness. My father and mother seems to be arguing over anything to the point they dont sleep in the house no more. Yes I do feel lonely so I occupy my time with chatting or improving profiles which on here really suck because my laptop wont allow me to change the shity thing. I hate getting rides from my father because either he argues to much or he gets on me about my flaws. While I stay silent trying to stay away from angry arguments and hurtful words about me or my mother or me not talking to him. My sister stays at her fiance's house so I dont have no one to talk to except for this journal which my dad wont be able to r ead because he reads my stuff so i get pay back and tear up his. I know this is wrong but you might ask do I have respect well to answer your question i do have respect but it only comes to the amount of respect you have respect for me which he has none for me well I know this much they dont care about me. At home when my dad gets angry enough he breaks things or punches the wall which need to be fixed.............. I stay in my room most of the time and when i am hungry which is rare i go downstairs and take the food to my room. I use to cut myself and I did it without my parents knowing but as soon as I made friends in my first years of jr. high I stopped I didnt feel so alone as I did before but then I saw how bad it was my parents threatening for a divorce I then thought of him these past weeks and i felt worse then I did before I felt like my parents were right with me sensing from their expressions and the way the choose their words that I was a worthless being uncapatible of love.... I dont know I might start back up so the pain in my heart can go away so I won't be sad and make it all end; I have gone to the point that I can't cry no more because I am so depressed which their is such a level but it hurts even more because I have no one to go to no one to speak to except wrinting in this journal. I dont want pity or blame or even comments about how my parents are or who I am but I just want to go away where I wont be able to return..... I am a caged bird not able to fly that slowly dies...........................................................................................