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I must catch you up on a lot. I have been avoiding a journal entry to attempt to not offend anyone but after some news that I have learned I couldn't care less so here goes nothing,


Those of you that talk to me I'm sure you know that I was wrapped up in a guy, Andrew. Those of you that I trust know that while being wrapped up with Andrew I was still in love with, Dakota. Now is where it gets intersting. Andrew went on a trip with his brother and his brother's friend. They went to see concert for Easter. They were gone for three days. When Andrew got back I heard the words that I knew I was going to hear once he got back, "I have something kinda bad to tell you." Finally, he tells me what it is. A girl asked Andrew out. She was real, I was not, she was there, I was not, she could do everything that I would die to be able to do with him. I knew that good-bye was the only option to this. He told me that he was thinking and that he still wanted me to be his girlfriend until he made up his mind. The next day was Thursday, youth, Dakota. I was kinda excited because I was 'single' and I had read some interesting things in his journal:

"Typing this kind of makes me sad, it makes me realize how much I miss Cassie, and my insecurities are there for me to re-read. I just wish that I could find some one to love me like I need to be loved."



"Cassie(Silent murder)-A great girl up until she cheated on me over the internet, now we’re ‘just friends’(again, dammit…) I still remember how she just seemed to make the day a whole lot better when I saw her at youth, I miss things like that…"


So I figured that maybe, just maybe it could work out to my benefit. I went to youth flirted like crazy with Dakota. Then I asked him out. He said yes. I got home was calling Andrew to tell him the news and he had made his decision. I get him on the phone and.........he chose me. You can imagine how I felt right then, my heart sank. A boy that has never seen me face to face chose me over a girl in real life to be his. I wanted to die. He said he was sad and he was hurt. I could tell. Over the time that I wasn't with him we talked as much as we usually did. Meaning, we fell harder and harder with ever word spoken. While I was falling hard core for Andrew I was trying to sort my feelings for Dakota, my boyfriend at the time. I set some ground rules the first day we were dating and he pissed me off within the first hour.

Ground Rules:

1.) I am staying friends with Andrew.--Dakota said that was fine.
2.) We aren't having sex, neither of us is ready for it and it drove a wedge between us.--Dakota said I drove a wedge between us. ****Strike One****
3.) I don't know if you cheated on me. I do know that if I THINK you are, I'm gone.--Dakota said that was fine too.

The next day, Andrew and I are talking and I tell him that Dakota pissed me off the first HOUR. He kinda laughs softly and says, "Give him a chance." I said, "But..." He said, "Shut up, let him prove if he means it or not." So, I give Dakota a ring. He picks up and I he says, "Are you just calling to me calling?" I was like, "Uh yea, is that a problem?" He goes, "Oh no...Dude, did anything good happen last night at Youth...Like between us...I don't remember a thing!" I was dumbfounded yet I knew it was a trap so I interogated until he said, "Nah, I'm just jokin' with ya." Not a good joke considering our past. ****Strike Two**** The next words tha fall out of his mouth, Devon.****Strike Three**** (Oh my what a shocker!) Something about her taking his iPod. I didn't really listen because I was thinking about Andrew. biggrin Then I start to tell Dakota a story in the middle of it I hear, "Cassie. Oh...hold on a second. Um Cassie? Yea, I am gonna go play Halo with Jess, bye!
-click-" ****Strike Four**** So lets review, he starts out by telling me that I should be worried about pregnancy for it is only a small thing. Then, he pretends that he doens't know whe are dating. Then he attempts to make me jealous. (BTW, sorry sweetie it didn't work.) Then he bails on me in the middle of my story to go play ********' Halo wiht Jesse. Um, is it me or can he do that anytime?

I call Andrew, tell him the whole story. There is a long, long pause and I say, "Is it me or is he treatin' me like s**t?" Andrew laughs, "Oh no you don't. I am not answerin' that. Your a smart girl, you know if he is or he isn't." I asked him again, "Yes, he is." Andrew then tells me I should give him more time, discuss my problem with him. As Andrew and I talk he mentions the stars. First thought, laying under the stars wrapped in a blanket snuggled up to Andrew. Then it hit me, I would much rather be with Andrew than Dakota. If Andrew had been here I would be with Andrew no questions asked. That's when it hit me that Dakota really was treating me like s**t and Andrew was there waiting patiently. So I tried to get Dakota on the phone, no answer. So I finally just sent him a PM and here is what happend:










So one might think we are friends now? Ahhh, that would be far to simple for Dakota, Queen of all Drama/retardedness.

So I have broken up with Dakota. I call Andrew he doesn't seem too happy and yet he isn't mad so that made me happy. Then he says, "I need time, my heart is healing and I just need some time." Then not 10 mins after that statement comes the, "Cassie, I love you." It confuzed the s**t out of me. So the next time we talk I bring that point up, "Andrew, how can you say that you need time and then say that you love me?" He laughs, "I LOVE it when you are blunt with me. When I say I love you, I mean I love you like a friend. I am slowly giving you my heart back. I will let you know when you have it all." A few mins later I get a text, "I have a question." I laugh, "What is it, Andrew." (My heart starts to pound thinking, he might ask me to his girlfriend again!) He texts me, "Would you be wiling to try it again because I don't feel right you waiting on me and..." I'm like, "And?" He goes, "It's the best part." He whispers very softly into the phone, "I love you with all of my heart." So one might think we are dating? Don't be too sure!

Next Wednesday, I have a band concert! Andrew texts me during it, "Cassie, I have to tell you something tonight." Then I ask if it is bad. He goes, "I'm not telling you!" Then I was like, "Oooh okay." Then he was like, "Are you happy?" I was like, "Happiest I have ever been." He goes, "I haven't been happy since...." I was like, "Since?" He was like, "Tell you tonight." I wait anxiously, once I get home I call him. I ask him what he wants to talk about, "We will wait a while on that." Then I talk about the concert. Then finally he sends me a text, "I can't love you like a friend anymore." I go, "What?" He says into the phone, "Cassie, I don't love you like a friend, I want more, will you be my girlfriend again?" My face turns bright red for the past week I had been telling people we were dating. I laugh, "Of course, I thought I already was." He laughed, "We kinda were, this is just set in stone."

Next Thursday, Youth, Dakota, I go to Youth and sure enough he is there. No other seats are open so I sit by my 'friend' he is listening to his iPod staring dead ahead. I sit there for a few mins and then I nudge him, "You gonna talk to me?" He nudges me back, "Doub it." then I poke him, "You mad, kiddo." Still staring straight ahead, "Nope." Then I said, "Why ain't you talking?" He goes, "I am, a little." So then we go on a scavenger hunt. Dakota continues his pissy attitude. All through youth not a word shed. He goes back into his dark room and I follow. I say, "Dakota, what's the matter. I thought we were freinds. You said you understood." He goes, "I understand, I just need time." I was like, "Well..." He was like, "It's just you left me like Devon did." (Devon dumped him like a month into the relationship because he wasn't Farm Boy enough for her.) I say, "Um, I believe I had a more legit reason. I wasn't happy, I was miserable." Then he goes, "I know." I'm like, "It feels like you are mad at me." He goes, "I'm not, I just don't let people forget they ******** up." Then I go out to the Car with Jesse. I finally ask, "Jesse, honestly did Dakota cheat on me." Jesse sighs, "Yes. Leanna. They were holding hands, I wanted to tell you so bad, I was so pissed, mom wouldn't let me. He was close to breakin' up with you for her. But she left him for another guy. (Shocker, that b***h cheated on him with 7 different guys. How fun!) Then I asked, "Do you know of anymore." He goes, "My best friends say they eye witnessed him makin' out with Amanda Welte. (If you saw her I think you would die laughing at that one.) Then I asked about Devon, "I'm not sure. Though if he did do the others I'm sure he could do that." Then I was like, "Thank you, I needed to know that." So, it's official! DAKOTA IS AN a** HOLE! I HOPE HE BURNS IN HELL! (If you are reading this, know that I am the happiest girl alive. Andrew and I couldn't be getting along better. I can really see myself spending the rest of my life with him.)

I want to thank you Dakota. Thank you for putting me through all of this hell. Had you not, I never would have put my guard down long enough for Andrew to call me. Had he not called me then I wouldn't be so happy right now. Thank you.

Anyways, that is all that has happend for now. I am kinda tired...So I think I might go to bed. If you read all the way to here I'm proud of you. -hands you candy- Gonna go dream about Andrew-Bear!!!! TTYL!