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I'm a blue cornflower dressed in roses...
This is going to be one of the hardest things for me to write...
I don't know whether I can do this.
Hey everyone, all my friends, etc.
I'm going on hiatus off Gaia Online for...months? Maybe a year?
Ok, stop your mumblings for a minute ('Wrrryyy Harts?' 'Good riddance' 'Where's the blue cheese I wanted for breakfast?') and listen to me.
Over the past few months, like..during my time at the SS thread (my classmates are dancing in ecstasy around my table, wtf) I didn't know I was changing. I thought I'd still be as loathsome as ever, never have any real friends, etc.
And here I am, sitting on a chair in the library of the school which changed my life. It's ironic. It's okay, you can laugh.
I first realized during the first day of school, Orientation. I found words bursting with friendliness coming out my mouth, and I couldn't stop them coming.
And now, I have to leave you.
I'm sorry. I owe so much to all of you, at the Birthday thread and the SS thread and I am really sincerely sorry, but I have to leave. I don't know for freaking how long, but I have to do this out of my own will.
First off, yesterday I got kicked out of the Singaporean guild. Woo..for overreacting. Yay.
Second off, I've been thinking of what Emi said. I don't want to cut off all of your rights to free speech, guys, and I do honestly think I'm...a bit too traumatized to be around normal people at the moment. And my school is fairly abnormal. And what you guys are saying is bringing back things, things that make me want to go over the edge. And the edge is a scary place for me.
I know this explanation is very meager and mediocre and I hope you will be able to forgive me for leaving so abruptly. Those at the Kopitiam, I am sorry about overreacting, but I'm not apologizing or taking back my words. I'm not going back...
I'm sorry for all the rest of it, I have been a complete b***h.
About the secret issue, okay,
yeah, this has all to do with it. About the haunting and the cyber.
I'm getting over it.
That's all the pride I can have at the moment.
I know I'm getting over it.
I can get over it.
I am not a person-in-the-making, I am a person now. I'm going to get through this without having to have other people or futures they could offer get the better of me, nor am I accepting any talk you might say about that I don't know what the ******** I'm doing.
I'll check on my Aquarium, I promise. And I'll drop by sometimes to see how all of you are doing.
I'm going to be active on my roleplay mule, though. That's the only thanks I can give to Avatar and Toph for all they have done as well. I love you forever Aang, Katara, Toph, Zuko, Sokka, Suki, Cabbage Guy, Foam Guy, Iroh, Bumi, Jeong Jeong, Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, all of you. I promise I won't ever forget.
Come see me, if you will, at Toph Heart of Rock. I'm going to find myself in the hiatus, and I swear to all that is the universe I'll come back and I will be the person I should be, not the one I am now, the one I can only partially be proud of. I'll only be roleplaying, and I will be active. But I don't think I'll have the guts to talk to you, I'll be too ashamed.
I love you all, and I hope one day you can forgive me for leaving you this way.
I have to find my own way. Perhaps then I will be able to walk along yours as well.
Good luck.
EDIT: Just to be anticlimatic...I'll be hanging around the !!Fun with Blue and the Gang!! guild and Summer Splash for a bit...and it turns out I wasn't kicked out of the Singaporean guild after all...I'm feeling a bit better. But I will go on hiatus after a few days. I want to get my bearings, because I come here every day. It's going to be very difficult for me to let go and I will certainly miss you.
I'm not the adorning flower for your bouquet...it's just me, a plain blue cornflower. Dancing happily away.
 blackouthart · Fri Feb 20, 2009 @ 02:21am · 2 Comments |
